Shadow of the Moon
by Arlath's Star
Summary: Does it matter who your parents are, or what you did in your past? Ysabell Hope certainly has a troubled history - what she needs is a caring friend to help her put her life back together again. But does Luna really understand quite how hard it will be?
1. New Beginnings

New Beginnings**  
**

Luna wandered quietly up the central staircase of St Mungo's Hospital. She had been visiting some of the many students who had been injured during the battle for the school. However, the last patient she had tried to talk to, a Hufflepuff student in her year, had rather rudely told her that he had had enough of her now, and would 'rather he didn't end up in the insanity ward as well'. Luna had already forgiven him. After all, he _was_ recovering from a serious injury, although she rather suspected that he had been hit by a petulantic curse as well…

As she drifted past the corridor signposted 'Spell Damage', she remembered what Ginny had once mentioned to her about Neville's parents. Really, she thought, it would be very unfair just to walk past without seeing them.

_I'm just sat here, hunched up on the end of the bed, staring at the wall. It's clean, white and bare. A definite improvement. A new blank page, a new beginning: bury the memories, bury the past; I'm going to make myself a new life. A _good_ life. That's what this open doorway is - a doorway into a new life. And as I pass through the door and gaze out at the bright blue sky, an unknown feeling stirs within me, and a fire, which I thought had burnt down to barely-glowing embers, rekindles. Hope._

Luna nearly bumped into the girl who stood entranced near the window. "Sorry!" she exclaimed, taking a step backwards. But the girl merely stared at her. Luna stared back, taking in her features. The girl was slender, thin to the point of concern, with a pale face and long dark hair, straggly and uneven. Her eyes were huge and dark and wary. Looking in, Luna could see the fear in them.

_Her eyes are full of happiness. Happiness and trust. They seem familiar, somehow, but I can't yet remember where… _

"I'm Luna Lovegood" said Luna brightly.

The girl hesitated, but something about the blonde girl instantly gained her trust. "Ysabell" she said softly, and then, after an expectant pause, "Hope".

_Hope. That feels good. A good name, a strong name. A new name. _

"Who are you visiting?" Luna asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

A longer pause this time. Then, in an even quieter voice the girl said "I'm a resident."

_Resident of an insanity ward. Fitting, I suppose. But I'm not mad and I don't want to stay here. _

"Do you know where I can find the Longbottoms, then?"

_I remember that name; I've heard it before. The story behind it too. _

"No" replied the girl, and then, looking frightened, protested "I've not been here long!"

_And I'm not planning to stay long either. But where else is there to go? _

"Oh, that's all right then." carried on Luna, breezily. "I'm sure I can find it on my own. Do you want to come?"

_There's no reason why, but I follow her, and somehow it feels like the right thing. _

It didn't take long to find the right ward, and Luna recognised Neville's parents immediately, noticing the family resemblance. "Hello!" She greeted them cheerfully, and introduced herself, not seeming at all phased at the way they just smiled vaguely back at her. Ysabell hung back, seemingly reluctant to come near, until Luna beckoned her forward. She approached tentatively, and then said quietly to Mr and Mrs Longbottom "I'm sorry. Really sorry." But neither they nor Luna took any notice.

_What was I expecting anyway? It's not as though words can heal the wrongs of the past. It's not as if anything can. But they just look so… lost. _

The fragile conversation was quickly brought to an end when the ward matron came bustling up. "Mr and Mrs Longbottom, it's so nice to see you have visitors" she chirped, then was brought up short when she caught sight of Ysabell. "I thought you were in room 238" she said suspiciously.

Ysabell decided to make a stand. "I'm not mad" she said, staring straight into the matron's eyes, "and I don't want to stay here."

"Any other ward is fine by me" snapped the matron, making a face. "Now go back to your room, Miss …"

"Hope" interrupted Ysabell "And I'm not going back there. I told you, I'm not staying." She glared defiantly at the matron, who took a step backwards, worriedly.

"I'll go and fetch a Healer", muttered the Matron, and hurried out.

_I felt proud of standing up for myself for once, until I looked into her eyes and saw the fear. I'm just a 15 year old girl. I haven't even got a wand. What reason have you got for fearing me? What have I done to you? _

"Where are your parents?" asked Luna, trying to get a conversation going again.

"Dead."

"My mother's dead too. I was nine, and one of her magical experiments went wrong." Luna informed her calmly.

"Mine were murdered." said Ysabell, and her eyes weren't looking at Luna any more.

_A jet of light, and my mother's body crumpling, mouth frozen silently…_

"I know I'll see her again though" said Luna dreamily.

"How?" asked Ysabell weakly.

"They're just on the other side, waiting. I know; I've heard them."

Ysabell remained silent and expressionless. _How long do they wait for? _she wondered.

"So where are you going then, if you haven't got any parents to go to?" broke in Luna.

Ysabell just shrugged.

"You could stay with me and my Dad, you know. Do you go to Hogwarts?"

"No." Then she asked, disbelievingly, "Could I really live with you?"

"Well, if Daddy agrees…" mused Luna. "We've got quite a lot of spare room. And we've repaired the house now."

Ysabell just stood there, mouth agape.

_Surely no one could be that nice? Or that impulsive? I mean, she's known me for what, ten minutes? And ought I to tell her? But what if she turns me away? What will her father think? Surely she doesn't _mean_ it?_

But Luna was as good as her word, and her father approved of the idea immediately. Neither St Mungo's hospital nor the Ministry saw many problems with the 'adoption', impulsive though it was. It got one unwanted orphan off their hands, and they had not really known what to do with her. They also decided to let her start Hogwarts in September, even though she had never been before.

And so it was, to some surprise, that Ysabell found herself being driven down to the village of Ottery St Catchpole, to live at the Lovegoods' house.

**This is my first chapter, and my first chapters are rarely brilliant. If you feel the slightest bit interested please stick with me and try a few more. I promise you now, unless something horrible and unexpected happens this story will be finished. You have my word. Now, please review and tell me what you think, or I may lose heart and turn back on my promise.**


	2. Giving in to Suggestions

Giving in to Suggestions

**This is basically just an explanatory passage. I promise you, most of my chapters are longer. Oh, and I few other things I forgot to write at the start of the last chapter. This story is post DH, if you hadn't worked it out already. Also I am not JK Rowling. All the characters are hers apart from the ones that obviously aren't. (Ysabell, for example, who belongs to herself) **

Harry had never taken time to imagine how happy and worry-free he would feel after Voldemort's death. Now he was spending a tranquil and care-free summer at the Weasleys' with his two best friends, the overhanging threat of the Dark Lord now just a memory. The enjoyment of the days was only marred by two things.

One was Fred's absence. This loss had affected the family profoundly, but the knowledge that he would have wanted them to continue enjoying life helped them all cope.

The second was Hermione's constant hinting that they ought to return to school after the summer, in order to complete their NEWTs. She managed to slip this into practically every conversation, from ones about what they would be doing in the future to the best way to peel potatoes by magic ("There's this excellent charm you would have learnt in your seventh year, if you'd been there…"). Harry and Ron had so far refused to consider such a ludicrous decision, but now, as Hermione embarked on yet another lecture, Harry contemplated agreeing just to shut her up.

"You'll never get good jobs you know, if you don't take your NEWTs, no employers will even _look_ at you…"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Hermione, he's _Harry Potter_. He doesn't _need_ a CV!"

"And you don't?" Hermione snapped back.

Harry tried once again. "Look, Hermione, no one else from our year is even going to be there."

"As a matter of fact, I've heard that loads of people are going to retake their seventh year, especially all the muggle-borns they wouldn't allow in last year. And others are returning too – I know Neville told me he would. They're going to combine us with last year's sixth years, so we'll be in the same year as Ginny and Luna."

That was a point Harry hadn't considered. He kept overlooking the fact that Ginny would be returning to Hogwarts.

Ron had obviously just realised this too. "However are you going to survive without your girlfriend, Harry?" he asked , smirking.

"And what will you do if I go back without you?" Hermione asked him ,eyes glittering. "And by the way, the Aurors want NEWTs, not a list of Death Eaters you've killed."

That took Ron back a bit. "Alright" he said warily, "supposing we do go back…"

"Yes?"

"Will you promise to help us with all our homework?"

**I swear with all my heart that the next chapter will be longer and will actually get back to the main story, unless of course, no-one reviews, in which case we'll never get anywhere. Please review. Please. You know I want you to. **


	3. Summer of Friendship

3. Summer of Friendship 

**Thank you, thank you, thank you a thousand times to RachTheDorkk and L.A.H.H. for both reviewing my story **_**and**_** for adding it to favourites. You made my day. **

Ysabell had never seen a house like Luna's before. The great black castle towered above them, slightly lopsidedly, surrounded by a wild, rambling garden. Ysabell took it all in as they approached, mouth wide open.

"What are dirigible plums?" she asked, reading the sign on the gate.

Luna plucked one and handed it to her. "It enhances the ability to accept the extraordinary." she informed her.

'_Enhance the ability to accept the extraordinary'. If I wasn't so amazed by it all, I'd think this was all a dream. It certainly seems like one, apart from the fact that it's a nice one for a change. Maybe my mind _is _seriously damaged and this _is _all a dream._ _Or maybe I just need to eat more dirigible plums. _

Ysabell was going to need it inside. "This is just _amazing_" she gasped.

Luna showed her round. The brightly painted kitchen, the cluttered workroom with its printing press… "Daddy used to have a Crumple-Horned Snorkack horn in here," she told Ysabell "but it got destroyed when the house collapsed." She sounded regretful.

Ysabell was most astounded by Luna's bedroom, and the ceiling, damaged though it was, brought a lump to her throat. Although the faces were now mostly obscured, it was still possible to catch a glimpse of the golden word-chains, endlessly repeating. _friends… friends… friends… _

Luna followed her gaze, and said dreamily "I keep meaning to repaint it, you know, but I haven't got round to it yet. I could paint you up there too, if you want."

"Me?" Ysabell looked astonished.

"Well, you're a friend, aren't you?"

_A friend? Stars above, no one's _ever_ called me that before! _

*****

If there was one thing Ysabell was more surprised by it was the Lovegoods themselves. Xenophilius, who had at first presented a very strange figure to her, turned out to be a gentle and caring person, although still rather odd. It was clear to Ysabell from the first instant that he doted on his daughter. Luna was even more of a puzzle to Ysabell. She had never before met someone so open and innocent. It was clear from the battle-scars on the blonde girl's arms that she was no stranger to war or fighting, yet she had willingly accepted Ysabell, a complete stranger, into her home and family. In Ysabell's experience no one would do such a thing without some sinister hidden motive but over the next few days her first cautious trust in the strange, blithe girl proved to be correct.

The next few weeks passed in a haze of happiness. Luna began teaching Ysabell odd bits of magic that she thought she would need at school, along with some she probably wouldn't (charms to discourage nargles, for instance). More usefully, she helped Ysabell overcome her fear of magic (she had previously had a habit of flinching whenever she caught sight of a wand). When she and her father realised that Ysabell didn't even have a wand, let alone all the other equipment and clothing she would need for school, they took her to Diagon Alley. The Ministry had provided Ysabell with the key to her parents' bank vault, and she was shocked at how full it was. However, it provided her with enough money to buy everything she needed several times over, and she was relieved that it meant the Lovegoods didn't have to pay for anything, even though she hated using her parents' money.

Most of their time, however, was spent lazing around down by the stream, basking in the sunlight, and chatting about anything and everything (and with Luna, it really _was_ anything and everything). It was down there that Ysabell told Luna her story, the first person she had ever told. As she had predicted, Luna was unconcerned by her family history – she knew that other things were far more important. Ysabell wished everyone was like that. And Luna was so happy to share her home and family with Ysabell, that Ysabell soon lost almost any envy she had had of the blonde girl, apart from when she occasionally caught sight of the photo of Luna and her mother, propped up on the table next to Luna's bed. Apart from that though, everything was fine, and the two's friendship blossomed.

_I've never, ever been this happy before. And I have a friend! The best friend ever! I've even got a family too, in a way. A proper family. But when I fall asleep at night I remember everything, and I know I still haven't escaped my past. That will happen at school, I hope. _

**Please, please, please review and make me happy. If you have never written you have no idea just how amazingly important reviews are to a writer. Tell me what you think of Ysabell, or how I could improve the story or anything – just review! **


	4. The Hogwarts Express

The Hogwarts Express 

**Thank you to RachTheDorkk and L.A.H.H. for reviewing, and to ctc for marking my story down as a favourite. Three people! I am overjoyed! **

The summer was over, and it was time to return to school again. Not the most joyous occasion with most schools, but Luna and Ysabell had both been looking forward to it, although admittedly Ysabell had been doing so with some trepidation. But it was too late for doubts now, with both of them standing on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters watching the scarlet express steaming in.

_It's so busy! So many people, so many students. So much noise! And they're all so happy! I feel so nervous though! What will her friends think of me? What year will I be in? I almost wish I wasn't going._

Luna dragged Ysabell along into an empty compartment, and sat down_. _Then she took the new issue of _The Quibbler_ from her bag.

"Daddy always makes sure the new issue comes out on time for me to bring it" she explained. "Oh! He's forgotten to pack one for you! Do you want to read it first?"

Ysabell shook her head, feeling queasy, while Luna settled down contentedly with the magazine. She had been introduced to _The Quibbler_ over the holidays, and found the magazine fascinating, but she wasn't quite as fanatic about it as Luna and her father were. She doubted anybody was.

It wasn't long before some of the others started to appear. Neville arrived first, closely followed by Ginny, Ron, Harry and Hermione. Ysabell tried to make herself smaller in her seat, wishing Luna had taught her a spell to make her invisible.

"Hi!" said Luna brightly, looking up from her magazine. An exchange of greetings and a flurry of inquiries followed, with many people looking speculatively at Ysabell. Harry inspected the pale girl too, watching her twist the end of her tightly plaited black hair nervously. When he realised that Luna wasn't going to explain, he addressed Ysabell hesitantly.

"Um, hello then."

Ysabell swallowed. This was the bit she hadn't been looking forward to. Luckily, Luna interrupted.

"This is Ysabell Hope, my new friend. She's been staying with me over the summer."

_New friend! Thank you Luna! _

"That's nice." said Hermione carefully, remembering as she did so the quality of the food at the Lovegoods' house. "I haven't seen you at Hogwarts before."

"I'm new." said Ysabell, when she realised that Luna wasn't going to answer this time.

"You can't be new!" scoffed Ron. "Everyone starts as a first year!" Looking at the girl's worried face Harry wished there was a table so that he could kick Ron under it. By the look on her face, Hermione was wishing the same thing.

"Actually Ron, there are instances of people starting later" Hermione supplied, also noticing Ysabell's worried face and hoping what she said was true.

"So, why are you starting late?" inquired Ginny.

"My parents… wanted to teach me at home."

Ron butted in again "Why did they decide to stop?" Harry really_, really_ wished there was a table.

"They're dead."

"Oh."

That put a stop to the conversation for a while. Most of them knew how it felt to lose a family member. After a while, they started talking again, of less awkward subjects such as the holidays, and what they were looking forward to at school. Ysabell remained silent for most of the journey, but no one commented.

Eventually they arrived at the station, where they encountered a dilemma.

"Firs'-years! Firs'-years this way!"

"How old are you?" asked Harry suddenly, realising he didn't know.

"Sixteen" said Ysabell looking worriedly in Hagrid's direction.

_They can't make me a first year, can they? Surely I'm far too old._

Luna took her by the hand. "Come with us" she said. 'I want to show you the thestrals anyway." She led the others towards the carriages, now no longer horse-less for any of them.

"Oh!" gasped Ysabell, tentatively reaching up a hand to stroke one. "They're so beautiful!"

But that was nothing to her expression when she caught her first true glimpse of the Hogwarts castle towering magnificently above them. Watching her face, the others could only remember what it had felt the first time they had caught sight of it.

**Now review! Please? The button is calling…. **


	5. The Sorting

The Sorting

**Thank you to RachTheDorkk and praypray for reviewing and to those two again and Nymphy Lupin92 for adding this as a favourite story. And to praypray again for sticking it on story alert! I'm impressed guys! **

_I don't know when I realised that I wasn't normal. Maybe I've always known. So many strange things happened around me, even when I was very little. The other kids noticed, but eventually most of them left me alone. Things always seemed to happen to those who tried to hurt me, even when I didn't want it. I never meant to hurt anyone, never. They called me 'witch'. Ironic really. But I was scared then; scared that it was true. Maybe I still am. _

_I saw things too, saw things in bowls of water, inside glass. They all thought I was mad when I tried to tell them. But I did see her, the black-haired woman, when I looked into the water and as I grew up I saw other things too. I saw other people do magic; I saw Hogwarts. I was so happy then, when I realised that I wasn't the only one. Later I considered that maybe I _was_ mad, and that my visions were a product of my madness. But it all seemed so real. I lived through them, those images I saw in the still water. _

_And now I'm really at Hogwarts, and it feels so strange. All the people I've seen here, all the stories I've witnessed. Now it's my turn, time to write my own story. To rewrite my story. Starting from now. _

They were all silent as they walked up the marble steps, remembering all the events that had happened beyond the great doors in the entrance hall. Other students were quiet too – there was a kind of hushed and reverential silence as they entered the school together. _Like a cathedral_ Harry thought _Or a memorial_. Yet it was still hard to believe what had happened here. He watched as Ysabell drifted towards the centre of the room, her eyes gazing far into the distance.

_This is where it all happened. The events that changed my life for ever. The events that changed everyone's lives. And it was them that did it, these children, these people I've just travelled with. It makes me feel guilty; just standing here, knowing what I have done and what I did not do. _

Professor McGonagall – now the new headmistress of Hogwarts – watched too. It was obvious that the girl knew what had happened here. It didn't make the professor any happier about having her though. Still…

She beckoned the students, many of whom were stood still or wandering aimlessly, towards her and motioned them into the Hall. When she reached Ysabell she led her over to the room where the other new students were waiting. The pleading glance Ysabell shot Luna was desperate, but Luna just smiled at her, and gave her the thumbs up.

The other students in the room Professor McGonagall left Ysabell in looked just as scared as her, which was helpful, but were all a lot smaller, which was not. They all seemed to think that she was an older student sent to tell them what to do, which took a while to explain. By the time they were collected Ysabell felt more nervous than she'd ever felt before.

She watched, a wreck of nerves, as the students were sorted in front of the entire school. Luna had told her about the sorting, but that didn't make it any better. And she _desperately, desperately_ wanted to be in Ravenclaw.

And then the sorting began. She was too scared to notice the names at first, but started to listen as they neared her name, stomach churning.

"Farrow, Amy!"

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Green, Peter!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"Irvings, Naomi!"

Hope, where was Hope? Had they forgotten her? Oh please, _please_ say they hadn't…

"Lovett, Camilla!"

She waited there, feeling sick, as everyone around her left. Then finally, finally,

"Hope, Ysabell!"

As she approached the stool, she felt anything less than relieved. The school bubbled as they noticed that she was obviously older than the others. That was the last thing she heard before she pulled the hat over her ears.

_Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw, please Ravenclaw…_

"Ravenclaw, eh?" said a voice inside her head. "There's another I think would suit you more…"

_No! No, no, NO!!!_

"Ah" said the voice. "Perhaps then, in the circumstances, maybe it would be better not. If you're certain then. RAVENCLAW!"

She climbed down of the stool, feeling sick and shaking. Blindly she made her way towards the Ravenclaw table, tears leaking from her eyes, tha hat's voice still echoing round her head.

_Not again! Oh please, please not again! _

Luna peered at Ysabell worriedly as she collapsed next to her, then wordlessly handed her a mint humbug from one of the golden platters which had suddenly appeared. "They're good for fortification" she informed her.

Ysabell smiled. Why was she crying? She was in Ravenclaw with Luna!

The rest of the school was even more intrigued now. Luna Lovegood, of all the people to sit down next to! A bombardment of questions followed, with Ysabell wearily being forced to repeat the same story she had told the others on the train. She was relieved when the time came to go to bed – she had never really been comfortable around others, and having to sit surrounded by so many others unnerved her. On the way upstairs, she was caught by Professor McGonagall.

"You'll be in the fourth year for now. Please try and…fit in. Make friends. Obey the rules."

Ysabell nodded vigorously, greatly relieved that she would not be a first year. Professor McGonagall watched her as she followed Luna up the central staircase, still bemused by the girl's house placement. It made her feel a little better about the whole business. Not that she would yet put her trust wholly in the Sorting Hat. Better to wait and see. Something deep down inside her made her half-pity the girl, but her prejudice still remained.

**I hope I haven't insulted anyone with my random name generation. If I have review and tell me! If I haven't, review and tell me anyway! **


	6. First Test

6. First Test

**You should have realised by now that it's my policy to publicly thank each of my reviewers, so thank you to L.A.H.H. and praypray for reviewing my last chapter! So, if you want to appear in my story (in some small way) it's simple! Just review! (Hint hint)**

The rest of the fourth year had been a little surprised at the new arrival to say the least. Ysabell encountered several problems with being new almost straight away; for a start everyone in her dormitory had already made friends and were reluctant to let someone new into the circle, especially someone several years older than them. But Ysabell didn't mind; she had Luna after all, and that was one more friend than she was normally used to having.

However, there were other, more practical problems to be dealt with. It's hard to get to grips with the layout of any new school, but one where normally stable features such as staircases move around is a different matter entirely. Ysabell spent the first few days getting lost and turning up outside what she thought was the transfiguration classroom, only to find that it was actually a broom cupboard. She liked the library though. Now _there _was somewhere she could get lost quite happily.

The library wasn't the only part of Hogwarts she instantly loved. She thought the Ravenclaw common room was amazing, especially the method of entry. She also loved her four-poster bed ("the most comfortable bed I've ever had") and the quality and variety of the food served up in the Great Hall, though she showed her appreciation of this in ways other than speech. The food in particular was nicer than anything she'd had for a long, long time, including the rather unusual food served up at Luna's house.

Lessons like the ones here were also a very new and different thing. She spent most of her first few trying to get to grips with what was happening whilst the rest of the class tried to get to grips with her.

*****

On Ysabell's first proper day at Hogwarts it was Luna who guided her downstairs to breakfast. Ysabell didn't eat much – her stomach was already a mess of nerves and excitement. This was a day she had been dreaming of for most of her life. Instead of eating she spent most of breakfast asking Luna what lessons were like, whilst nervously drumming her fingers on the table and waiting to receive her timetable. She hadn't yet been told what subjects she was taking.

"Here you are" said Professor McGonagall brusquely, slamming a piece of paper down on the table in front of Ysabell. "I'm afraid that at such short notice we could only timetable you for the optional subjects which had room." She left.

Ysabell read down her timetable. All the lessons she had come to expect were there: Potions, Transfiguration, Charms… then "Muggle studies? Are they having a laugh? And what's this…? Divination! What? How come I got those?"

"I suppose it's because they have room in those classes" replied Luna dreamily. "They aren't very popular, you know." Her eyes wandered down Ysabell's list. "You won't be starting Muggle Studies yet anyway." she declared. "That's one less lesson to catch up with."

"How do you know that?"

"Because it says 'suspended until further notice due to staff shortages' next to it."

Ysabell's very first lesson was Transfiguration. Up until the lesson she had been under the delusion that she was fairly well prepared knowledge-wise, only to be given a pencil and told to turn it into a flower. Needless to say, she failed.

The girl a seat down from her sidled up whilst Ysabell was gazing blankly at her pencil. She threw a hurried glance around to make sure Professor McGonagall was out of earshot, then began.

"So, where were you last year then?"

_Ah, one of those sorts. Not even a 'hello', let alone an introduction. Here we go again then…_

"I was taught at home until last year." Ysabell began patiently.

"They didn't teach you much about transfiguration then, did they? Even a second year could do _that_." The girl waved her slender, long stemmed flower in front of Ysabell. "Why did you come here then?"

"My parents died." Ysabell had found this was normally enough to end this kind of conversation.

"Ooh. Were they murdered?"

"Yes" said Ysabell, trying to make it sound final.

"Do you miss them?"

The girl saw the look Ysabell gave her and decided it might be time to find someone else to talk to.

"Don't mind Nicole." said the girl in front of her, turning round. "She gets a bit carried away sometimes."

"Yeah, but it would be nice if people just thought a little first, wouldn't it?" Ysabell shot back belligerently, angry tears streaming from her eyes.

And thus Ysabell's daydream that everyone at Hogwarts was a lovely, kind, understanding person who would accept her into their school without a qualm was trampled into dust.

_Really, I ought to have thought about it beforehand. Of course they're not all going to be brilliant; they're human beings after all. I should be happy that some of them are choosing to talk to me. Things could be a lot worse. I should be trying to make a good impression and find some more friends – this _is_ a new start after all._

Other people did talk to her, and although the conversations were generally along the same lines, most stopped before the point where Nicole had. Some, however, actually wanted to hear the gory details of the deaths, which Ysabell refused outright to give. Interest in the quiet, reserved girl blossomed when she accidentally let slip how she had stayed the summer at Luna's. Suddenly whole groups of students were stopping her in the corridors to ask her what 'Loony' was like at home, what her house and family were like, how she could stand living with her for weeks on end… It was then that Ysabell made what was probably her first mistake. Instead of just telling them that she didn't want to talk about Luna that way she exploded, telling them that Luna was worth ten of them any day and that they were all idiots if they cared about things like that.

The school gossips went away happy. They had firmly categorised Ysabell into the 'complete weirdoes' section of the school.

**You know what you ought to do now, don't you? That's right! You ought to review and tell me how good/bad/awful my story is. Tell me which bits you liked and which bits you hated. Give me suggestions. If you can't think of anything, just say hi. I'll love you for it anyway. **


	7. Settling in

Settling In 

**I know my posts are a bit sporadic, but in my defence it **_**has **_**been a busy week. I've just competed in my school's annual music competition and I get some exam results back tomorrow. Tomorrow… Let's not think about that one just yet... [shudders] Please, please wish me luck with them – they affect my unis and everything - even though I won't read your messages until after I get my results…. **

**Anyway, thank you to all those who reviewed, including Heartsday, praypray and L.A.H.H. Well, when I say 'including' I mean only, but three is still pretty good…**

**Ok, I'll shut up. Here's your chapter. **

By the end of the first week, Ysabell almost wished she _was_ a first year. Luna's brief training had not prepared her at all for the lessons she was having and the magic she was required to do. But Luna still found time to help her, though how she managed it Ysabell had no idea, since the seventh years seemed to receive twice as much homework as fourth years. She was immensely grateful to Luna for giving up time to help her catch up. She was also grateful to Luna for her friendship both over the summer and now, as she knew she wouldn't otherwise have been able to cope with being around others again, even if they were only school children.

On second thoughts, if she _had_ been a first year, she would have been teased far more than she was now. The others in her year constantly poked fun at the fact she was several years older than them. They found the huge gaps in her education and the way she kept getting lost around the school amusing, and Ysabell was struggling to keep her temper in check.

_There's no point in exploding. They know more magic than me anyway, and they'll only get at me more if I try to fight back. They'll leave me alone if I keep quiet. Hopefully. _

_It doesn't feel like I thought it would; being here, I mean. It's just so… different._

Many others were finding it different as well. For a start, the atmosphere was far more cheerful than it had been the year before and all those who had been absent from school the previous year were now having to adjust back to school life and get used to the levels of work again. But it was still not the same as it had been before that year. It was far emptier for a start, with fewer first years than ever before. There were faces missing, old classmates you turned to speak to only to remember that they were no longer there; corners people refused to look at, corridors and classrooms that were avoided completely, such was the force of the memories they invoked. Nobody would talk about what had happened in such places, leaving people like Ysabell and Harry to guess. Harry had the horrible feeling that even his worst imaginings were better than what had actually happened there.

But school carried on regardless, lessons still took place, homework was still set and soon everyone had more or less settled down into the rhythm of school life once more. Even Ysabell began to find the lessons easier, with her new friend's tutelage, and even began to enjoy some of them. What she lacked in experience she made up for in enthusiasm, determination, intelligence and, worryingly for her teachers, raw power.

_That's one thing I hate – the teachers. They all watch me like I'm about to explode; as though it's a crime for me to be good at spells. And you can tell they all hate me back, hate me for being here, hate me for being who I am. _

_I don't mind the lessons though. I never knew magic could be used in so many different ways! I'm not sure which is my favourite – maybe Charms. I think Potions would be my favourite, if we didn't have it in the dungeons. Divination worries me though. We're doing tea leaves at the moment, but I hate to think what even more stupid topics we might end up doing later. I wish I didn't have to do it, but they seem to have arranged my options for me. The teacher makes me laugh though; she's so useless! The things she says scare me, though it's obvious she hasn't got the Sight. I'll endure the lesson for now at any rate. Maybe I'll walk out of it if it gets too bad. _

*****

What with the workload he was now once again receiving, Harry had forgotten almost completely about Luna's new friend, until Hermione started musing about her late in the common room one evening.

"I don't think she's really home-taught, you know. They made everyone like that attend Hogwarts last year."

"Maybe she's a muggleborn." suggested Harry, concentrating more on the essay he was writing.

"I don't think she is though. If she was muggleborn then she would have turned up at Hogwarts earlier. And Harry… I swear she reminds me of someone."

"Why don't you ask her?" suggested Ron distractedly, leafing through a textbook. "Look, Hermione, you promised you would help us with this!"

"I can't just go up to her and ask her! Didn't you see her face when you asked her about her parents?"

"Ask Luna then. Now please will you help me with this essay?"

Hermione sighed as she leaned over and began reading through it. "You'll never learn anything, you know."

Harry and Ron replied simultaneously. "We know"

**Actually, you can learn stuff when someone else answers questions for you – thank you to my wonderful Hermione who knows all the maths answers. I'm sure you **_**will**_** get an A. If you don't then I've got no chance. **

**Good luck to any other result-collectors! Please review! **


	8. The Unfairness of Life

8. The Unfairness of Life 

**I got wonderful results – Hermione standard! (I actually mean this – I scored 100% twice!!! (Sorry for telling you all!)) So thank you to anyone who spared a kind thought. **

**Thank you also to Heartsday, praypray and L.A.H.H., my wonderfully consistent reviewers. Please continue!**

**Oh, by the way, I'm finally introducing a few minor characters who are completely of my own invention. I'm sure you'll spot who they are. **

Ysabell burst into the classroom, fifteen minutes late. She had spent all of breakfast looking for her bag, only to find it hidden behind a suit of armour just outside the common room.

"Sorry I'm late Professor. I got lost." She ignored the titters from the rest of the class as Professor Invidus, their latest Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, glared down at her.

"Ten points from Ravenclaw for lateness" he snapped.

Around the room Ravenclaws glared malevolently at Ysabell as she made her way to her desk on the other side of the room. Some glared at their new teacher as well. Ten points was a little steep, especially for someone new to the school.

Ysabell rummaged round in her bag for her equipment, as the Professor continued with the lesson. She cursed silently, realising that her quills were missing, and then winced as she touched the wet, sticky bottom of her bag and brought her fingers out black and gleaming.

"Lost something?" inquired a quiet voice behind her, sounding amused. She recognised it as one of the Ravenclaw boys in her year, and ignored him, busy carefully removing her textbook from the mess inside her bag. Thankfully, it had escaped the spillage. But quills? She brushed a hand against her cheek, and groaned when she realised that it was the inkstained one. Muffled giggles broke out around the classroom.

_I hate them. Little idiots. Suppose they think it's funny. I bet they did this. _

"Miss Hope?" asked the Professor, using the same half-sneering tone for her last name that the rest of the staff used, "I don't suppose you could repeat what I just told the class about shielding charms?"

The class watched amused as Ysabell froze the way she did after anyone asked her an unexpected question. The professor continued. "No? Well that's a pity, since I'm going to ask you all to practise them now. I hope you're a quick learner."

Ysabell looked down at her desk as the rest of the class buzzed at the prospect of a practical lesson. She remained silent whilst their new teacher sorted them into pairs, placing her with the boy who had been sat behind her desk, who scowled at the thought of being her partner.

"Now, get into rows facing your partner, that's right, then on the count of three the person on the right will cast a stunning spell whilst their opponent casts a shield charm. All ready? One, two…"

Ysabell looked fearfully across at Aaron, who was pointing his wand at her with a grin on his face. He was going first. She gazed at the wand, memories rising unbidden, and acted instinctively; choosing not to defend herself but rather to attack first.

"Impedimenta!"

Aaron flew backwards and crashed into the wall, then crumpled into a heap at the bottom.

"You stupid girl!" yelled the Professor, running across to Aaron, almost livid with rage. "I said the person on the right! Don't you know your left from your right! Can't you count to three?! What in Merlin's name were you trying to do?!"

_I hit him. I hurt him, after I swore I'd never ever use magic in that way. I hurt him, and it felt good. _

Across the room, Professor Invidus was helping Aaron to his feet, still furious. "Thirty points from Ravenclaw! And detention! Detention for the rest of this week!" The rest of the class were exchanging uneasy looks now. This _was _Defence against the Dark Arts, after all, and accidents did happen. They didn't really want a teacher who reacted like this every time someone got hurt. Giving _Ysabell_ a detention was ok, but what about them?

Ysabell glared at the Professor, with eyes full of pure anger. He caught her eyes, and swallowed slightly. Then he said, almost inaudibly, "Get out. Get out now." The rest of the class were watching too now. Ysabell continued to glare at him, white fingers clasping her wand tightly, as a strand of dark hair unravelled itself from her tight plait and fell across her face. Then she turned, and stormed out of the classroom.

She walked away from the classroom silently, still fuming, pausing only to kick a suit of armour as she marched upstairs.

_How dare he! He gave me a detention, for, for _that_! He wouldn't have given anyone else one, he'd just give them to me, because he hates me! Because they all hate me! A week's worth of detentions! Evil bastard!_

But by the time she reached her dormitory, her thoughts had changed.

_It's me. I'm evil. I didn't mean to hurt him! But I did, anyway. Maybe I even wanted to. What kind of person does that? Evil, evil, evil! They're right. I should be punished. They shouldn't allow people like me in school… _

She was completely silent when she emerged from the common room and made her way down to dinner, refusing to even look at anyone. She found Luna at the Ravenclaw table and collapsed next to her, staring at her empty plate. Luna gazed at her thoughtfully for a few moments, still munching her pasty. Then she gathered up some food, grabbed Ysabell's arm and announced "Let's go for a walk!"

Luna walked outside and sat down in a patch of warm autumn sunlight, Ysabell following mutely. She accepted a pasty off her friend wordlessly, but as Luna continued to gaze at her she felt obliged to fill the waiting silence.

"I… I attacked someone. In my lesson. I think I hurt him." She looked up at Luna, who was still watching her impassively, and the words continued to flow. "And I think I wanted to hurt him, and I've hurt people before, and that means I'm evil, doesn't it? But I don't want to be evil. But I am, aren't I, if I like hurting people? That's why everybody hates me, isn't it, because I'm evil, just like, just like…" She dissolved into a flood of tears. When she finally stopped, Luna was hugging her tightly.

"Come on" said Luna softly in her ear "I want to show you something" And she led Ysabell to a clearing on the edge of the forest before delving into her bag and producing what unnervingly looked like a slab of raw meat. "They'll be here in a minute," she said mysteriously.

Ysabell was so perplexed she almost forgot about her problem. The sight of the beautiful, shadowy-black creatures approaching through the trees made her catch her breath in surprise. Luna pressed the meat into her hand "Hold it out like this, look…" Ysabell watched enthralled as the creature bent its head to eat her offering.

"They're thestrals" said Luna, watching her. "You can only see them if you've seen death. Most people think they're bad luck."

"I think they're beautiful." breathed Ysabell, cautiously reaching out to touch one.

"So do I. I don't think they're bad, even if most people believe they are." Ysabell looked over at Luna, who was eyeing her sincerely. "I don't think you can be born evil, I believe it's something you become. And I don't think you're evil." continued Luna.

"But… but those people I've hurt…"

"But you felt bad about hurting them. You regretted it. And I think you injured people accidentally, and that's not your fault, it's because you're only just learning to control your magic."

"They hate me though…"

"They just dislike you because you're different. Like thestrals. That's the way people are." Ysabell looked at Luna again, but she was staring at the thestrals. Ysabell had the horrible realisation that she had just seen a side of Luna that no one else had seen before, a side that had been waiting for a long long time.

"Thank you" she said humbly, then smiled at Luna. "I've never had a friend like you before."

Luna's answering smile could have lit up the whole forest.

**(Quote also applies to a certain wonderful person I've been extremely mean to lately. Sorry.)**

**Look, I've just given you an amazingly long chapter. All you people who have never reviewed before do so and show your appreciation. Or disgust. Your choice. **


	9. Flying

**Thank you to praypray, Heartsday and L.A.H.H. (via **_**my**_** account!) for reviewing. I tried to be a bit nicer to Ysabell in this chapter – that's my general motto at the moment; trying to be nicer to people. We'll see how long it lasts. **

Flying 

Ysabell's detentions started the next evening. She had been warned about all sorts of things, but Professor Invidus did not appear to be very imaginative. He had her writing lines. By the end of the session Ysabell's writing hand ached so much that she wished she had been given the type of detention her classmates had been gloating about her receiving. Luna cheered her up a bit by telling her what lines had been like under Umbridge, but Ysabell felt that '_I must do as I am told by my teacher, listen to instructions and use magic responsibly' _probably wouldn't fit on the back of her hand anyway.

She felt sort of ashamed that she had received her first detention so soon after starting, but was more annoyed by the number of evenings she still had to serve, and the amount of time she now had free to complete her homework in.

However, after what seemed like for ever, her week's worth of detentions finally ended, and Luna celebrated by taking her to watch her first ever quidditch match.

Ysabell was not too interested in the sport itself – she found almost all sports games impossible to follow - but was enthralled by the sight of the players zooming around the pitch. Luna noticed, and in their next bit of free time she took Ysabell down to the broom sheds.

Flying wasn't as simple as Ysabell had thought it would be. First Luna showed her how to make sure her broom wasn't infested by kraknids - "they take control of your broom and fly it hundreds of miles to somewhere you don't want to go" - before discovering that infected or not, the old school broom wasn't going to be flying anywhere in a hurry. It took them quite a while to find a pair of brooms that worked half-decently, by which time Luna was certain that the shed obviously contained a whole nestful of nargles. Ysabell had stopped listening. Now that she was actually faced with a hovering broomstick, she wasn't quite so sure that she wanted to fly.

_What if I can't control it, or if it gets stuck in mid-air… _

Following Luna's vague instructions she mounted the broom and pushed off the ground as hard as she could, eyes squeezed tight shut. When she opened them to discover that she was nearly fifteen feet above the ground, she nearly let go.

Luna glided serenely up to join her. "It's alright, you won't fall. Try and grip with your knees… that's right" she instructed, watching as Ysabell clung onto the broom for dear life. "Now just try and relax a bit, and when you've got used to it you can try turning." It was several minutes before Ysabell felt safe enough to try and move the broom.

_An ancient stick of enchanted wood is all that's between me and the ground. How long do spells last for, I wonder? _

She gently nudged the broom to the right, and it jerked sideways. "Luna! Help!" she called, clutching the broom handle, white-faced. "How do I get down?"

"Just lean forwards slightly…" Ysabell's broom dived towards the grass, as she clung to it, shrieking. She somehow managed to jerk it to a halt a foot or so above the ground, where she rolled off onto the grass. She got up, shaking.

"I am _never_ getting on one of those again."

"I never liked them much either" confirmed Luna, climbing off her own broomstick. "They're much too jerky. I prefer flying on thestrals."

Ysabell whirled round to face her, eyes wide. "Thestrals let you _ride_ them?"

*****

Later, Ysabell would look back at that as being her happiest memory ever; gliding above the forest in the gathering twilight with the wind in her hair, sat on the back of a gleaming black thestral behind her best friend.

**So, it's back to my homework then. And you can all get back to whatever you're supposed to be doing – after you've reviewed, of course. And Lizzie, this time please do check where you are reviewing from. (Yes, I know it was my idiotic fault. I won't reply to reviews at your house again. I will come back and eat your sticky toffee pudding though.)**


	10. Muggle Studies

10. Muggle Studies

It wasn't long before Ysabell's precious free periods were filled once more. A teacher had finally arrived to fill the vacant post of Muggle Studies Professor, and so lessons were finally starting.

Ysabell had had serious doubts about the subject from the start. To begin with, the subject's name didn't exactly give the impression of fun, interesting, action-packed lessons.

_I really don't see why I have to take it. Why should I have to learn about muggles? I suppose the point is so that I understand muggles and accept them as equals, or some jargon like that. The only good thing I can say about it is that the work's going to be easy. _

The small, mousy-haired Professor Timida did not appear a particularly imposing or authoritative figure to the class as she, well, timidly told them about the joys of Muggle Studies, and how whatever they had been taught by former teachers about muggles' inferiority was quite wrong. As she went on to explain how all wizards should treat muggles fairly and equally, Ysabell was forced to make links with her History of Magic lessons. But with one small exception. Whilst Professor Binns took hide nor heed of his students, Professor Timida kept glancing up at her students as though expecting them to interrupt and deny her claims, perhaps even attack her. She eventually ground to a halt under her students' polite gaze.

Ysabell was already planning ahead.

_She seems quite nice, even if she is scared out of her wits. It shouldn't be too hard to befriend her, then at least I'll have one teacher on my side. All I need to do is be nice to her, be attentive and contribute in lessons – that shouldn't be too hard; I know enough about muggles to be a right little teacher's pet in this class. _

Meanwhile, the Professor had plucked up the courage to start again. "Erm, well, I've been asked to discuss how muggles use and make energy with you this term. Um, does anyone know what muggles use as energy in their homes?" She looked around the class hopefully, and eventually a student broke the expectant silence.

"Er, isn't it electricity, Professor?"

"Yes, yes, that's right!" Seeming heartened by the fact that someone in the room seemed to know and care about what she was saying, she continued a little louder. "And does anyone know how they produce it?"

The silence was a lot longer this time. These were students who were new to the subject – well, that was if you didn't count the lessons last year as being muggle studies. Last year's lessons were probably what had put so many people off continuing with the subject this year; Ysabell's class contained only ten students, all of whom apart from her either knew nothing about muggles or were too shy to speak.

Eventually, the same boy spoke again. "Isn't it something to do with lightning, Professor?"

_Oh for heaven's sake. _

"Well, not quite," their teacher replied. "Does anyone else know?" she asked, voice full of false hope.

_Come one Ysabell! This is your moment! Contribute! _

"They produce it in power stations, Professor, by burning coal…" Ysabell trailed off. Professor Timida had given a little jump as she had started speaking, and was now looking at the before-unnoticed girl in trepidation.

_Oh no. Not you as well. _Please_ not you as well. What do they tell you all? 'By the way, one of the girls you are teaching is a known psychopathic murderer'? I'm not all that bad, you know. Why doesn't one of you take the chance to get to know me _before_ you judge me? Unless you think you know all there is to know. _

After that, the lesson degenerated again. They were all handed out worksheets entitled 'How muggles use energy' which they were supposed to fill in.

_Primary school stuff, in other words. I wonder if we get stickers? _

And then, for homework, they were given a sheet asking them to brain storm everything they knew about muggles.

_Everything I know about muggles? I could write a textbook on that! Or maybe I should just do as they expect me to and write down a list of the best ways to murder them. Can't they at least give me the benefit of doubt? _

"How was Muggle Studies then?" asked Luna, as they sat down to lunch together.

"A laugh. The work's ridiculously easy and the teacher's so scared of me that she doesn't dare even speak to me."

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything to her!"

"I meant in the lesson." replied Luna unconcernedly, stirring marshmallows into her soup with her spoon.

"'How muggles use energy'… what are you doing?"

"Eating."

"Yes, but marshmallows in tomato soup?"

"It tastes good, and Daddy says it improves your memory. Try it."

"Er, no thanks. I've eaten an awful lot of things in my time, but I still prefer to keep sweet and sour separate if I can, thank you very much. Not unless I haven't got a choice."

"Fair enough" answered Luna, raising another spoonful to her lips. "I hope you don't mind the sugar lumps I've put in yours then."

"What!?"

**I don't advise sugar lumps in tomato soup. Marshmallows aren't too bad though. **


	11. Nightmares

11. Nightmares 

**Thank you to praypray, L.A.H.H. and leafstone for reviewing! I really appreciate your support.**

The next weekend was a Hogsmeade visit. Ysabell and Luna had made plenty of plans for this, most of which concerned Honeydukes and large quantities of their favourite sweets. However, this plan was ruined slightly on the morning, when they realised that Ysabell had no signed permission form.

Ysabell waved Luna off dolefully from the main doors, watched closely by Filch, who seemed certain that she was going to try and make a run for it. Instead she turned and headed towards the staff room in search of Professor McGonagall and a permission slip.

_This is stupid! Nobody told me you needed a permission slip signed by your parent or guardian! And who am I supposed to get to sign it? Getting something like that out of McGonagall will be like trying to get blood out of a stone! _

And she was quite right in that respect. Professor McGonagall was very reluctant to give her a form, but could think of no valid reason why not to. However, she refused outright to sign it.

"I am neither your parent nor your guardian, and as such I cannot sign it! Send an owl to Mr Lovegood about it, seeing as _he_ constitutes as your legal guardian!" Her voice implied that she had no idea what had possessed him to do such a thing.

So Ysabell's next stop was the owlery, where she borrowed a school owl in order to send her message. The tawny owl, annoyed at being woken up in the middle of the day, nipped her finger.

"Ouch! I suppose you hate me too, don't you? You're part of the grand conspiracy to stop me visiting Hogsmeade, and you will no doubt fail to deliver my letter completely!" She tied the letter on unnecessarily tightly before stomping off down to the library to get on with a piece of unfinished homework.

She had cheered up slightly by the time Luna found her again, and recovered almost entirely when Luna presented her with a large bag of sweets.

"I couldn't remember what your favourite sweets were" apologised Luna as they walked up to the common room together, "so I just got a bit of everything I thought you would like."

"What about blood-flavoured lollipops?" commented a student in Ysabell's year snidely as he walked past in the other direction. Ysabell ignored him. One of the latest rumours to circulate the school was that she was actually a vampire.

"Who did you go round with then?" Ysabell asked Luna through a mouthful of toffee.

"Oh, I met up with Harry and the others." said Luna vaguely, as she searched through the bag of sweets. Ysabell felt a slight pang of jealousy. She would have preferred to have her friend all to herself, but she knew Luna still occasionally hung around with the Trio and their friends. Luna always pointed out that they would be quite happy to chat with her as well, but Ysabell still didn't feel at ease around them.

Later, the two of them wouldn't believe the amount of sweets they had managed to get through in that one evening. Neither of them had any qualms about spots or waistlines, but Ysabell definitely felt slightly queasy that night.

Maybe that was why her nightmares were slightly worse than usual. Ysabell was notorious throughout the school for her nightmares, but fortunately most of the students were willing to overlook problems like this, since there were several others with similar sleeping difficulties after the trials of last year. However, the girls who had to share her dormitory were less sympathetic.

"What's wrong with that girl?" asked one of her dorm mates in an undertone as she watched Ysabell shaking and writhing underneath her covers. "Doesn't she realise we're all trying to sleep too?"

"Maybe someone's put a curse on her." suggested another girl. "I'd certainly like to sometimes. The way she looks at me – it gives me the creeps."

"It's not fair if they have." retorted someone else. "_We're_ the ones who are suffering. Can't someone put a silencing charm on her?"

"It's the covers that are making the noise. Maybe she's been reading books out of the restricted section, trying to find a way to curse us all."

"Well, I vote we take the covers off, if that's what's causing all the fuss" suggested a new voice sleepily. "If she wakes up she'll just assume they fell off."

A dark-haired girl huddled at the centre of the bed, tossing and shaking, eyes squeezed tightly shut, tendrils of black hair spread out in an entangled mesh around her.

_Darkness and shadows. Cold that bites to the bone. Blood, fire, pain. Faces outlined by flames . The smell of burning flesh. Screaming. Aching loneliness. Pain, pain and more pain. And my mother's face, watching, watching._


	12. Shared Memories

Shared Memories

**Ok guys, this is a special treat, so be grateful! You shouldn't rightly have another update for another week! And I should be packing! **

**Anyway, secrets are revealed….**

Ysabell sat in the near deserted library, staring at the blank sheet of parchment in front of her. She was supposed to be writing an essay on the topic her Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor had given her, an essay that she was supposed to be handing in tomorrow. Making sure all of her homework was of good quality and completed on time was something Ysabell had promised herself she would make certain she did, but she had yet to find anything relating to the subject of her essay in any of the library's many books.

_I hate essays. And the ones at this school are so long! And I haven't got a clue what I'm supposed to be writing about! _

She was considering giving up and going to ask Luna for help, when she caught sight of Hermione Granger approaching. She'd never had much to do with the older girl, but she knew her reputation.

"You should be out of here soon" announced Hermione in her best prefect voice. "It's nearly eight, you know."

"Um, Hermione" Ysabell faltered, gathering all her courage "Err…it's this essay, could you, could you, um, help me with it. Please."

Hermione sighed and walked over to inspect her work. Ysabell continued, embarrassed "I don't have a clue what it's supposed to be about…"

Hermione was reading the title of the work. "Unforgivable curses! You don't know what the unforgivable curses are?"

Ysabell shook her head mutely. "Why? Am I supposed to know?"

"Well, I would expect… after the war… The teachers shouldn't be giving you this kind of stuff, really."

"Can you tell me what they are please? Then I can try and find them in a book somewhere." She desperately wanted to get the essay over with, and still had the guilty feeling that she should have started it far earlier.

"They're… well, they're the forbidden curses" explained Hermione, images rising unbidden before her eyes. "Imperius; that's the controlling curse." Glancing at Ysabell before continuing she could see the understanding dawning in her eyes. "Avada kedavra," she almost spat the words out. " that's the killing curse, and the Cruci…"

The younger girl flinched back, a look of pure fear in her eyes. Then she turned away from Hermione, avoiding the other girl's eyes.

"Oh… I'm sorry… I didn't realise…" Hermione trailed off, not sure what to say. She sighed. "That's the worst thing, isn't it? That you never forget. Not ever."

The black-haired girl looked up at her, confused.

Hermione attempted to explain "I've… I've had it done to me as well. Last year. Not that that's unusual round here." she gave a short, harsh laugh. "I still have nightmares about it, though. I see that evil Lestrange woman standing over me…" Hermione trailed off. This time Ysabell's flinch had been far larger than before, and she was now shaking, head buried in her arms.

Hermione sat down next to the shaking girl and tentatively put an arm around her shoulders. She spoke gently "She's gone you know. She can't hurt anyone anymore." Ysabell clung to her, soaking the front of Hermione's robes with silent tears. Hermione was shaking too now, and she could feel the back of her eyes pricking. "It's ok" she whispered "you're not alone."

_Yes I am. Oh yes I am. _

*****

Ysabell did stick to her vow however, and did hand in an essay the following morning. It simply read:

_Unforgivable Curses_

_The unforgivable curses are evil abominations. _

She resisted the desire to write _I would dearly love to use them on my DADA teacher _underneath_. _She had a feeling it might affect her grade. If she got one. The piece was a _little_ short of the 15 inches required, but she got enough satisfaction from seeing Professor Invidus' smirk fade a little when she handed it into him. That was before he unrolled it.

*****

"I've got another detention" she muttered glumly to Luna at lunch later that day.

"It's probably another set of lines."

But it wasn't. When she finally arrived at the classroom there was indeed a piece of parchment and a quill waiting, but the blackboard read: _Essay: My family. 800 words._

"That's evil!"

The professor looked up from his desk. "I'm sure you will find there are many things far more evil than that, Miss Hope." Ysabell glared at him, but he had returned to whatever he was writing. Sullenly, she started to write, wiping angrily at the tears falling from her eyes.

'_My parents were Richard and Lisa Hope…' _

**And now I leave you for another week! Please, please, please leave me lots of lovely reviews to read when I get back! Ciao! **


	13. A Dream Christmas

13. A Dream Christmas

**Woooh….! What a wonderful holiday! But now I'm back and updating again… I know it seems strange to be writing about Christmas at Easter, but never mind…**

_I made the essay up. Well, what was I supposed to do? He had no right to do that to me, no right at all. And it hurts too much to tell; to write it down. Going through it once, with Luna, was enough. Just enough to make the worst of the nightmares fade. _

_My parents are dead. I can say what I like about them. _

*****

More and more things seemed to be going wrong around Ysabell. Possessions vanishing, misleading information, whispered remarks. The school had found another target.

Ysabell wished she had Luna's patience. Every snide comment, every careless elbow made her want to explode.

_If they're going to talk about me, can't they at least do it out of eyesight? I'm fed up with all the huddled groups in corners with their sidelong glances! Sometimes I just want to curse them all… Don't they realise I have eyes? And ears? _

_It would be so much more bearable if the teachers actually _cared_. But no, anything is an excuse to give me a detention, even if it's obvious that it wasn't me who caused the trouble. And there's another thing they don't seem to have realised, or at least don't seem to care about. If you give someone detention it gives them less time to do their homework, which means it either gets done badly or doesn't get done at all. Which means more detentions… _

"How do you cope?" she asked Luna, during a stroll round the grounds on one of her rare free evenings. Both of them liked to get out of the castle.

Luna considered this a while. "I suppose I'm used to it." She said eventually. "Them all thinking I'm weird, I mean. But it's got better since I found some friends. It's much better this year, now they all know about how I fought with Harry."

_And everything you used to get passed on to me, didn't it?_

"Just try ignoring them, that's what Daddy always taught me."

"They're all little idiots!"

"That's one way of looking at it, yes." Luna paused again. "Whatever they've taken from you, they'll give it back eventually. They're not bad at heart, not really. They're just… human. They just like feeling that they're not the most powerless person in the world."

"That's all it's ever about really, isn't it?" commented Ysabell bitterly. "Power. Greed."

"I don't think so." Luna replied softly.

*****

It was a relief when the Christmas holidays finally arrived. They were both originally going to go back to the Lovegoods' house, but Luna's father got a sudden call.

"A crumple-horned snorkack sighting! In Sweden! Daddy's rushed up there, to try and get some photos for the Christmas edition!"

So that left Ysabell and Luna at Hogwarts for the duration of the holidays, along with a couple of other students who had stayed. Ysabell had quickly decided that the best thing about the holidays was the absence of lessons. They had time to do what ever they liked, and spent most of their time scavenging in the library or playing wizard chess.

Both of them were quite good at playing chess. It had turned into a kind of anger-management strategy. Ysabell would pretend that the chessmen on Luna's side (customarily white) were students who had wronged her during the day. An empty common room now meant that she could give vent fully to these emotions.

"Come on! Hit him! _That's_ for my best quill!"

By Boxing Day however, Ysabell had decided that the best thing about the Christmas holidays was, well, Christmas itself.

It started with the two girls waking up in Ysabell's dormitory (which Luna had moved into to keep her company over the holidays) to heaps of enticing parcels at the end of their beds. Even though Luna's pile was considerably larger than Ysabell's, she was so excited at the prospect of having received presents that she didn't care. Ysabell had been under the impression that she would only receive a present from Luna, if that, and so was very surprised to also discover a present from Luna's father and a joint one from Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. The latter contained a packet of chocolate frogs and a quill. The Lovegoods' presents, however, required more explanation.

"It's a charm to deter marroks. They cause bad luck." Explained Luna as a puzzled Ysabell stared at what looked like a shrivelled up potato. "Daddy sent me one too."

Ysabell's favourite present was the one from Luna though. "This is a dreamcatcher - It'll help stop your nightmares." Ysabell blushed, though she knew the fact that she had nightmares wasn't a particularly big secret around the school. "And these," continued Luna, reaching out to touch the gleaming black feathers dangling from the intricate web "are thestral feathers."

Luna's present from Ysabell was slightly less imaginative. She had knitted Luna a scarf.

The rest of the day went just as well. Games, jokes, laughter, Christmas crackers, the fabulous Christmas feast… But Ysabell decided that the best thing of all was the feeling of belonging.

_I've never had a Christmas like this before, never. It's what I've always thought a Christmas should be like: not presents and food and decorations, but friends and family. Well, not really family, I suppose. I've never celebrated Christmas with a friend before though, let alone family. _

_Do you want to know the truth? I was brought up in an orphanage - sorry, in a children's home. Ever since I was a baby. And there was no Richard and Lisa Hope. Not unless you count an imaginary family as being real. That's what I used to put down on my Christmas lists when I was younger: a family. And I did find them eventually. But I don't want to remember all that now. Not at Christmas. _

**So, Merry Christmas! Or, more appropriately, Happy Easter! Or happy whatever else you celebrate. I'm actually at home now, so there should be another update fairly soon – if you review. **


	14. Fire and Tears

14. Fire and tears

Christmas, alas, was over, and school had begun again. Which, of course, meant a return to lessons, much to Ysabell and the rest of the school's disgust.

Ysabell was currently dozing through a History of Magic lesson, watching the winter sunlight filter through the windows, and listening to Professor Binns droning on and on and on…. Occasionally she caught enough words to jot down a few notes, but most of her parchment was covered with a large doodle of a thestral. Or at least, it was supposed to be a thestral. Ysabell had never been much of an artist.

She was checking her watch for what seemed like the umpteenth time when one of Professor Binn's words penetrated her reverie.

"…burnt at the stake…" She froze, and started listening.

"Of course, the accused who actually were witches merely cast a flame-freezing charm and escaped unharmed…" Like a key, the words unlocked something in Ysabell's memory.

_Fire and flames and choking smoke. Cracking and roaring. Burning. A face silhouetted against the flames. Screaming. _

One of the girls in the row behind Ysabell prodded her friend out of her stupor and whispered gleefully "Look, she's having a fit again!" She pointed to the desk in front, where Ysabell had buried her head in her hands, and appeared to be shaking.

Her friend spoke back in an undertone. "She's a maniac, that's what. Didn't you hear she was in the mental ward at St Mungos?" They both continued to watch the suffering girl, as everyone else around them began to notice too. Professor Binns, of course, carried on oblivious.

_I should have saved them. The fire wouldn't have hurt me. I shouldn't have done it in the first place. Murderer! _

Luna couldn't find Ysabell that lunchtime, which was unusual, since they normally ate together. Eventually, an overheard comment led her to the firth floor girls toilets and the sound of sobbing. She somehow doubted that Moaning Myrtle had decided to switch bathrooms.

"Ysabell?" she asked softly, but was met only by silence. She was stood there waiting for several minutes.

Inside the cubicle, Ysabell had made up her mind.

_It was their fault, their fault for tormenting me like they did_. _Those stupid boys! They had it coming to them. How was I supposed to stop it? It's not as though anyone had taught me to control magic! It's not as though anyone knows. They probably just wrote it off as a boiler explosion. They should have just left me alone, then they wouldn't have got hurt. They deserved to burn. _

She heard a foot shuffling outside, and recognised the sound of Luna's breathing. She was still waiting, though lessons had probably started by now… Patient, kind, loving Luna…

_And me, what am I? What am I turning into? _

Ysabell flung herself out of the cubicle and into Luna's arms. "I think I'm going mad!"

Luna tentatively patted her friend's back as Ysabell continued to cry onto her shoulder, words mixed in with the hysterical sobbing.

".. all the teachers hate me! They know I'm mad and evil and useless…"

"I don't think you're useless"

"… everyone hates me! Have you seen the way they look at me!"

"I don't hate you."

"… and they're right to hate me, because of all the stupid, evil things I've done!"

"You're not stupid"

"I'm evil though, aren't I? Look at all the things I've done! Look at me! It's alright for you! You're an angel or something! I ought to be thrown out of the school! I don't deserve to be here!"

Luna closed her eyes and bit her lip, so hard it felt it might bleed. The tirade continued around her.

"I ought to be locked up somewhere! I'm going mad, Luna! I'm an evil, evil, evil, useless…"

"No you not! You're not! Please Ysabell!"

"You shouldn't be wasting your time on me! Go and be friends with Ginny or someone! I'm not worth it!…"

It took Luna almost half an hour to calm Ysabell down. She left her outside the common room before heading to her Transfiguration lesson. It finished just as she got there, and she was met by a stream of students rushing out of the doors. "Ooh, are you late Loony?" one of them called.

Ginny flashed her a brief grin as she passed, before Luna headed in to stand in front of Professor McGonagall's desk.

"Sorry I'm late Professor. I was helping Ysabell calm down."

Professor McGonagall sighed. "Look, that's lovely Miss Lovegood, but Ysabell isn't your problem. You don't have to spend so much time looking after her. Let her sort her problems out herself. Spend some time on yourself for once. Yes?"

Luna shook her head mutely, avoiding the Professor's gaze.

"Ysabell's my friend, Professor."


	15. Revelations

15. Revelations*

*** Yes, I've named it after a book in the Bible. Don't ask why. I'm not very good at titles. **

**Thank you to all my reviewers – you all know who you are and you also know that I wrote that because I can't find the list of reviewers' names… I still appreciate you though!**

**I wrote this a while back and I'm getting jittery looking at the first paragraph. Maybe it's time I started doing some revision myself…**

The original plan of the gathering had been an exam revision session (even though most people saw it as being ridiculously early for exam revision) organised by a worried Hermione ("I mean, the exams are this year now! They'll be here in no time!"), but it had degenerated into a mess of conversations. Harry, Ron, Neville and Ginny were discussing the DA's exploits last year, whilst Hermione was arguing with Luna about the existence of blunt-beaked querrels. Ysabell was sat on the side, listening to the other's conversations and feeling excluded. She was surprised that she had been invited to the revision session at all. Not even certain what exactly the others were talking about, she leaned back and let the others' conversations flow past her.

"Luna, trust me, no birds can fly backwards, not even magical ones. It goes completely against nature…"

"Well, Terry mastered the disillusionment charm, so we used that a lot…"

"But Daddy says they do. He did an article on it. Look…"

"Remember when Colin printed out that huge poster of Harry and we stuck it in the Great Hall? That was fantastic…"

"Do you really believe everything your father says?"

"Poor Colin. I've really missed him this year."

"Of course. Daddy's very clever."

"Do you know who… who…"

"You'll have to learn how to think for yourself at some point!"

"Who killed him? No, no-one saw."

"You'll have to open your mind up a little wider sometime too."

"I wish Mum had let me fight earlier… Maybe I could have helped…"

"You were best off where you were, Ginny. I hate to think what we'd have had to say to your mum if we'd let you die too."

"It was very brave of her to let so many of you fight though."

"Yeah, but mum always was a martyr. She'd have done practically anything to help - not that I'm saying she wanted us to die fighting or anything!"

"My Daddy helped the order too." piped up Luna, breaking into the conversation.

"Yeah, 'cos your Dad really helped, didn't he?" muttered Ron under his breath.

"Oh, he did!" said Luna eagerly. "We used The Quibbler to tell everyone the real news! We told them all about Harry, and why they should support him. Lots of people bought it too! We sold out of all the copies we printed after Christmas – Daddy even sold the ones in the archives!"

A few of the others were looking uneasily at each other. After a few moments, Harry drew Luna aside. Ysabell looked round confusedly whilst the others stared at fingernails and shifted uneasily – she was even more confused when Luna suddenly ran out of the room.

"What?"

"Oh Harry. You didn't actually have to tell her, did you?" Ginny moaned.

"I think it's about time someone did." said Hermione severely. "Someone should have stopped her from idolising her father like that years ago."

"Please will someone tell me what is going on?" asked Ysabell, trying to keep the impatience out of her voice.

Ten minutes later she was running around the school desperately trying to find her friend, non-too-impressed with the others. She met Luna coming down the stairs from the Owlery.

"Where have you been?"

"In the owlery." said Luna, frowning.

"Yes, but are you ok? What have you been doing?"

"Sending Daddy a letter." Luna replied, waving her quill in the air.

"What did you write?" asked Ysabell, suddenly worried.

"Oh, I just said that he should have told me about last Christmas." said Luna mildly.

"But," said Ysabell, trying to choose her words carefully "don't you mind?"

"I wish he hadn't, but I guess not everybody can be that strong." She paused for a moment, looking confused. "He did it because he loves me." she stated finally.

Ysabell felt a deep bitterness rest in her heart for a moment, and instantly hated herself for it. "That's nice of him." she said weakly. She felt someone put an arm round her shoulders.

_I should be happy for her, really. She deserves to have a loving family. I wish her mother was still there for her. _

_I wish _I _had loving parents. _

"Hermione seems to think you'll suddenly convert to her way of thinking." Ysabell managed after a long wait.

"Hmmm" said Luna thoughtfully. "I'm not even sure how Hermione does think. I think I'll stick with my way of thinking for now. I'm more used to it."

Ysabell laughed weakly.

_And to think I came up here with the aim of cheering her up. Nothing ever gets Luna down, not even finding out that her father betrayed her friends. I suppose I wouldn't be that upset if I heard that my parents had done that, but that would only be because I was expecting it. _

"Come on." said Luna, pulling at her arm. "I never finished telling Hermione about how Querrels fly backwards without bumping into trees."


	16. Shadows of the Past

16. Shadows of the Past

Ysabell had had bad nightmares again. This time she was using her Divination lesson to catch up on sleep. Her eyes glazed over as she though back to the perfect weekend she had just had – starting from the wonderful morning when she had woken to find the whole world covered in snow and continuing to the massive snowball fight she had had with Luna in the evening…

_After all, it's not as if that old fraud is going to teach me anything. I mean, _tealeaves_! How on earth do you see the future in tealeaves? And palmistry and zodiac signs! I never knew there were so many ways of wasting your time! I just hope we spend as long as possible on them…_

She jolted out of her dreaming with a shock as she realised that Professor Trelawney was stood in front of her looking at her questioningly. "Er, yes Professor?"

"I was asking you to produce your dream-diary for me, Miss Hope."

Ysabell foraged through her bag for it, eventually producing a rather battered sheaf of parchment. Unlike the rest of the class she could remember her dreams vividly, but had only scribbled them down that morning, when she had realised that it was too late or her to make anything up.

_Not that it matters what I write. If I dreamt that I was sat in the library eating custard sandwiches with a group of flobberworms it would still be conclusive proof of my forecoming death. _

Indeed, Ysabell, much to the class's amusement, had been chosen as this year's doomed student. Even now, Professor Trelawney was turning the pages of Ysabell's diary, occasionally gasping with horror, while the rest of the class looked on expectantly and Ysabell desperately tried to remember what she had written.

"…fire and flames… oh dear, oh dear… swallowing blackness…. oh my poor child… and screaming… Who is it who's screaming, do you think?"

"Um, I don't know… me, I suppose…" Ysabell muttered, looking at the floor.

"And who is it who's laughing - do you know?"

_I wrote that much? Oh grief. I must have been more asleep than I thought. _

"No idea."

"Well my dear, I hate to tell you what this means, but…"

"… it means you're a loony!" whispered someone behind Ysabell. Ysabell sighed inwardly. She had seen that coming. Just as she could predict precisely what was going to come next…

"…maybe kinder not to say. But I'm afraid my dear, that these dreams are an omen. An omen of death!"

_Here we go again. Good grief, I just want to _strangle_ her! _

Ysabell found Luna talking with Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville, on her way downstairs to dinner. She wouldn't normally have approached them, but since Luna was there she chose to hang out on the edge of the group.

"You look depressed." Hermione remarked. "What lesson have you just had?" she had been trying far harder to be kind and sisterly to Ysabell since the incident in the library.

"Divination. It's just a waste of time listening to that old fraud."

Ron grinned. "You can talk to Hermione about that! Who's going to die this year?"

"Me."

"She's never been right yet, you know." Harry told her. "It was me a few years ago."

Ysabell just shrugged. "Like I said, she's not worth listening to."

That just about exhausted the conversation. Harry, Ron and Hermione made their excuses and left for their common room, and Luna explained that she just needed to hand a piece of work in, leaving Ysabell alone in the corridor with Neville. Ysabell couldn't help feeling that she'd been set up.

Ysabell circumvented Neville Longbottom even more than she avoided Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. The most popular explanation for this was that she was his secret girlfriend (contrary to the fact that he was now spending more and more time with Hannah Abbott) . The rumour that she avoided the others due to the fact that she was actually a death-eater was also rapidly gaining popularity. But Ysabell had her own reasons why she didn't feel comfortable with the saviours of wizard-kind.

"So, are you settling in well then?" Neville asked hesitantly, not being able to think of anything to say. When this provoked no response he added "You live with Luna during the holidays, don't you?"

"Yeah"

"Sounds better than me. I live with my Grandmother."

Ysabell winced inwardly. The one track she _didn't _want him to get onto…

Neville took her silence as being one of sorrow.

"You're not the only one who's lost family, you know, you're not on your own. Lots of students lost family and friends in the war. I don't know if this helps, but it was for a good cause…"

_If this were a different situation, I would be tempted to laugh! He doesn't know a thing! And he thinks I'm mourning for my poor, dead, murdered parents… The next thing he'll be telling me is that they gave their lives for my freedom! _

"…They gave their lives for your freedom, like my parents sacrificed for me." Neville paused. "And I think they'd want you to carry on enjoying life, not feeling guilty about still being here." he finished off.

_I think I'm going to be sick. Or cry. Your parents sacrificed their sanity for you; they loved you. I know what happened to them. I know who did it. I don't think my parents had an ounce of love or compassion in their bodies. If there was any they certainly never gave any of it to me. What would you say if you knew I thanked daily the unknown wizards who took them from this world? I would rather have your parents than mine, far rather any day. _

Neville was still wondering where his inspirational speech had come from. At least it seemed to have had some sort of effect. Ysabell seemed to be pulling herself together.

She looked up at him, eyes slightly red-rimmed. "Thanks" she said, voice almost cracking. "It's nice to know someone understands." Neville smiled benevolently back at her.

_He doesn't know. None of them do. No one has the slightest idea. I think I've escaped at last! I'm free! _

And as her eyes lit up and her small smile widened into a triumphant grin, Neville couldn't help feeling that he had seen that face before, somewhere.


	17. Hogsmeade

17. Hogsmeade

**I should be revising… Why don't you all cheer me up by reviewing? Otherwise I'll sink into a pit of depression and you'll never hear the end of the story until I come out again… **

Both Ysabell and most of the rest of the school gave their studies a break that weekend – it was the date of the second Hogsmeade weekend.

_And _this_ time I have a signed permission slip. No-one can stop me going; not even McGonagall. _

Ysabell was actually rather lucky to be going, as she had been told not long ago that unless she caught up with her huge backlog of homework she would not be allowed to visit the village. But Ysabell had been so determined to get out of school that she had managed to struggle through the mounds of half-finished essays which lay heaped up on her bed - with a little help from Luna. (Luna knew lots of handy little homework charms: some that neatened your handwriting, some that made your work seem longer… Even more helpfully, she knew all the answers.)

Ysabell felt a huge sense of relief as she walked out of the castle gates. She felt that she had been locked up in there for far too long. She had already decided that she was going to enjoy today, whatever happened.

It was quite a nice day to be outside, what with the winter sunlight and the cold fresh air, and it was certainly an improvement on the perpetual rain they seemed to have been having for the past few weeks. Ysabell pointed this out to Luna.

"Oh yes, it's very good. The sunlight's scaring all the maltacits away. They're what make everyone so gloomy in winter."

Ysabell wondered if this was the whole wizarding world's view on the subject of winter depression, or just Luna's. Whichever way, Ysabell was fairly certain that she'd had a cloud of them round her head for the past few weeks.

"Where do you want to go first then?" asked Luna offhandedly.

"Well, I need some new quills, so it's probably better to buy some of those first before I go and spend all my money on sweets… wow! Is that Honeydukes?"

Luna followed Ysabell's enraptured gaze. "Yes, that's it."

"Ok, forget about the quills! Let's go there before they sell out of sweets!"

Honeydukes was indeed crowded with students, but looking at the packed shelves there was little danger of them selling out. Ysabell stood in the centre of the floor, gazing round at the sweet-lovers paradise. "I don't know where to go first!"

"Here, come and try this new type of fudge!"

*****

They left the shop quite a while later, laden down with small sticky paper bags and both eating some chocolate ice lollies, which it wasn't really the time of year for. Luna was busy extolling the uses of mint toffee as a way of attracting berunias, while Ysabell was already plotting a scheme involving one bag of transfigured cockroach clusters (she was fairly certain shortbread would do the trick) and the staffroom biscuit tin.

*****

A few hours later, having completed their shopping, they ended up in The Three Broomsticks. Ysabell was happy that she'd been able to spend so much time with Luna – she had been worried that they would end up meeting some of Luna's other friends and join their group. However, the only people they had seen had been Harry and Ginny and since they had been having a private moment in the shadow of one of the alleyways they had decided to leave them alone.

There were still quite a lot of people in the pub, seeing as it was rather warmer in there as it was outside, but Luna and Ysabell managed to find a deserted corner. It wasn't long before they had each bought a butterbeer and were busy discussing the latest issue of the Quibbler (Ysabell was now receiving free issues of the magazine, at Luna's insistence). Ysabell thought that her butterbeer was gorgeous, but she had to admit that she was having a little difficulty following Luna's explanation of the Ministry's plan to invade the International Wizarding Conference with eversiors raised on the Isle of Man. Soon she started to listen idly to other people's conversations as she dozed off in the comfortable warmth.

"… honestly, acts like she's proud of it, silly girl. And the way she treats the others… I don't know why I ever agreed to it!"

Ysabell looked over to see a group of teachers sat round a table near to them. A harassed looking Professor McGonagall was speaking.

"…I know it's what Dumbledore would have wanted, but well, you have to confess that he was like that, don't you? But she'll come to no good, anyone can see that. Strutting round like some sort of queen, doing whatever she likes, not caring what anyone thinks!"

_They can't be talking about me. I mean, they would have noticed that I'm sat here, wouldn't they? And I don't 'strut round like some sort of queen'. This day's been far too good so far for it to be me they're talking about. _

"… the way she acts it's only so long before she seriously injures someone. And besides, I don't see how she can keep it a secret forever. Sooner or later it's bound to come out, and I don't want to be near her when it does!"

Ysabell was halfway to standing up when another voice spoke up. "Do you want another drink, Ysabell?"

Ysabell sank down in her seat again. "Er, no thank you Luna." She said, looking back into her friend's wide eyes. "I think I might go back to the castle soon." She tried to resist the urge to glance over at the teacher's table, but did so anyway. They too, had given in to a similar urge. She looked back hastily and began to stand up.

"Wait. I'm coming too!" piped up Luna.

They left the room together. As she left, Ysabell distinctly heard a familiar voice say: "I feel sorry for that poor girl, having to be friends with _her_." She had a feeling that the 'poor girl' wasn't her.

"That wasn't very nice of them." said Luna matter-of-factly as they walked away. "They don't seem to like you very much, do they?"

Ysabell didn't say anything. She just felt empty inside. The empty space was rapidly filling up with anger.

_I wonder if Honeydukes have got anything more disgusting than cockroach clusters? _

**What is worse than cockroach clusters? Any suggestions? And remember what I said about reviews. They keep me sane sometimes, they really do. And seeing as this is what my writings like when I'm on this side of sanity you really don't want to see what it's like then… **


	18. All Alone

18. All Alone

**In two weeks I will have completed my first exam. I have been having a minor breakdown about this, because we haven't actually finished the course yet. **

**So thank you to Folfette Dreamwalker and Pray for me, Pray, and an especially big thank you to xjpnsgirlx for becoming my newest reviewer and to L.A.H.H. for being my best friend. That's probably favouritism, but never mind. I send imaginary cookies to you all! And the next new reviewer gets an imaginary chocolate cake!**

'_How was the Statute of secrecy broken in 1849 and what measures were taken to prevent a recurrence?' _

Ysabell paused with her quill in the air and reread the practice exam question.

_How should I know? Does it look like I was there? Good grief, History of Magic is the most boring subject in existence! How I would dearly like to rip this paper up and throw it in the fire… But then I'd have to do it in detention instead. Maybe not. _

She looked up. "Luna?" she queried.

Luna's head appeared over the top of her herbology textbook with what sounded like a small sigh. Ysabell's interruptions were both frequent and periodic.

Wordlessly, Ysabell pointed the question out to her. Luna's forehead scrunched up as she read it. "I think it was something to do with some vampire." she hazarded. "They were advertising for blood donors in a muggle paper… something like that. And they told the muggles about the wizarding world and paid them to sabotage the Ministry… or was that when a ministry employee paid some vampires to kill the muggle prime minister whilst he was sunbathing… no, that doesn't make sense. Not vampires and sunlight… I think there were dragons in it somewhere? And someone was trying to, trying to…" Luna lapsed off into silence.

Ysabell frowned. Luna's answers were often… unusual, but they weren't normally as rambling as this. "Are you ok?"

"Fine. I'm fine. Just tired. Or maybe a wrackspurt's got me… the pickled cauliflower must have stopped working…" She gave a little laugh that turned into a cough.

"Luna, you don't sound well. Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital wing?"

"I'm ok. Probably just need to get to bed." Luna got to her feet and swayed slightly. Looking up, Ysabell could see that her face was paler than it normally was.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, no." Luna picked up her bag and made her way across the library. She started coughing again as she neared the exit, and Madam Pince gave her an angry glance, no doubt worried about the safety of her precious books. With a sigh, Ysabell got up and followed her friend. There was no point in trying to do the work without Luna's help.

*****

Luna went down to breakfast the next morning still coughing, and barely ate anything. At lunchtime, Ysabell couldn't find her. It was only in the evening that she discovered that Luna had collapsed outside her charms lesson, and had been taken to the hospital wing.

"Can I see her?" she asked Madam Pomfrey as soon as the door of the hospital wing began to open. "What's wrong with her?"

"Overwork! You students never learn! And your teachers don't either! I don't know how many thousand times I've told them…"

"Can I see her?" Ysabell repeated.

"She's very ill, and she needs a break." Madam Pomfrey looked down into Ysabell's pleading eyes. "No. She'll recover faster if she's left alone. And what she's got is contagious. If you start coughing, or hear anyone else start coughing, come to me. Understand?" Ysabell nodded, and the door slammed in her face.

*****

Ysabell didn't get very much work done that night, but in the morning Luna received a get-well-soon card. It was purple and glittery, with a drawing of a crumple-horned snorkack on the front. Inside was a message saying 'Get well soon!!!!!' and when the card was opened the crumple-horned snorkack on the front sang.*

Madam Pomfrey very quickly became fed up Ysabell's frequent enquiries as to whether or not she could visit yet, and promised that when Luna was allowed visitors, Ysabell would be the first to know. But that still didn't stop Ysabell coming and asking every day.

The problem was Ysabell didn't have anything else to do but came and ask. She hadn't realised up until now how much she depended on Luna to help her get through the endless hours of school. Luna's company was the only thing she really enjoyed at Hogwarts (not including the food, warm beds e.t.c.) and she'd never thought that she'd miss it this much.

There were other things that Ysabell had known before and was only now accepting the consequences of. Luna was her only friend in the school – in fact, there were very few other people in the school who would actually talk to her, and even then they weren't exactly stimulating conversations.

_I'm all alone without her. Everyone else either ignores me, or outwardly avoids me or just treats me like dirt. And I reckon they all laugh about me behind my back. Well, the ones that aren't scared stiff of me do. _Ysabell thought bitterly as she walked down the corridor. A first year ran round the corner ahead and crashed into her – one glance and he was running off again, a scared look on his face. Ysabell sent a curse after him.

_How long can it be before Luna can come out of the hospital wing? It must have been a week already… _

The week turned into nine days, then into eleven. Ysabell got into the habit of visiting the thestrals on an evening as an excuse to get out of the castle –they, at least, were glad to see her. She considered flying past Luna's window in the hospital wing, but was unable to work out which one it was, and instead resorted to sending more cards and messages. She was beginning to get worried. She knew that Luna had had a similar illness before, and she too, had once suffered from something similar. She couldn't remember much about it, but it hadn't been a particularly pleasant experience, and afterwards they had told her that she had almost died.

_But I wasn't being cared for in a hospital wing. Luna is. She's probably just taking a while to throw it off, that's all. She'll be fine. She'd better be fine. I'll kill her if she dies. Not that she's going to. She wouldn't do that to me. _

But despite her conviction, Ysabell's nightmares still contained images of her dead friend, and although she was too proud to let her dorm-mates hear her crying in the privacy of the forest she confessed her fears to the trees, wind and sky.

* In case you were wondering, the song it sang was 'Ten crumple-horned snorkacks standing on a wall', and Ysabell, unfortunately, had not been able to illustrate this with images of suicidal crumple-horned snorkacks. However, in deference to Luna's views on crumple-horned snorkack protection, she made sure that none of the snorkacks in the song actually died from falling off the wall. In fact, they all came back to life at the end of the song, ready to sing it all again, starting with 'eleven crumple-horned snorkacks standing on the wall'. **

** The card had only reached 'three hundred and twenty nine crumple-horned snorkacks standing on the wall' when it vanished mysteriously in the middle of the night. Even more mysteriously, Madam Pomfrey's fireplace was full of purple glitter in the morning.

**I wrote this chapter months ago. It's a bit strange how I've just posted it at a time when I'm completely overworked due to exams and swine fever's just broken out. (We've got posters in the school loos now saying 'coughs and sneezes spread diseases'!) Maybe I ought to start writing nicer stuff. I hope none of you are ill by the way. That would not be good. **

**Ah. I've just realised. Lizzie, I think I wrote this one whilst you were on Arran. **


	19. Warm Sunlight, Cold Marble

19. Warm sunlight, cold marble

When Luna finally reappeared in the middle of March Ysabell's first response was anger mixed with relief. "Why did you take so long?! Oh, I was so worried!"

Luna grinned. "I'm as good as new now. Sorry I was away so long. It took her ages to find out that there was still something wrong from last winter." *

Ysabell winced. "I know how you feel."

"So, how did you get along without me?"

Ysabell was just about to tell her about the many hours in the forest and about how the thestrals were practically growing moss in their manes because of the amount of times she had used them as handkerchiefs when Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione came bursting around the corner.

"Hiya Luna! We heard you'd just got out! Are you feeling alright?"

Ysabell felt a pang of jealousy as she watched them surround Luna. Just for a moment, she wished Harry and the others didn't exist.

Perhaps Luna felt her feel it, for the next thing she was saying was: "I have to go, you know. I've got so much I need to do!"

"Wasn't overwork the reason you were ill in the first place?" asked Hermione, sounding concerned.

"Look who's talking." said Ron slyly.

"I'm not ill, Ron." said Hermione exasperatedly.

"I never said you were." he said, and added under his breath "Not physically at any rate."

Hermione ignored him. "What I'm trying to say is, don't you think it would be a good idea to have a bit of a break before you start studying again?"

"Oh, it's not school work," said Luna brightly. "I need to go and visit the thestrals again. I haven't seen them for ages. And it's at about this time of year that yelnitts come out of hibernation, and I'm sure there's a colony at Hogwarts!"

Hermione nodded. "I suppose we'll let you go and do that then!" she said in a falsely cheerful voice. It was clear that she was trying hard not to ask what yelnitts were. Slowly, the group moved off, and Luna and Ysabell were left alone again.

"Come on then!" said Luna cheerfully, grabbing Ysabell's hand. "Let's go outside!"

"I haven't got any food for the thestrals." said Ysabell apologetically, as they stepped out into the sunlit grounds.

"Never mind! Going into the forest would waste the sunlight anyway. Let's walk round the lake!"

As they strolled around the lake, Ysabell began to tell her friend what the last few weeks had been like.

"Sorry," said Luna at last. "I'll try not to be ill again."

Ysabell didn't say anything. She chucked a pebble into the lake.

Luna sighed. "You could have talked to Ginny or Hermione or someone. I'm sure they don't hate you."

"They're only 'friends' with me because I'm friends with you." said Ysabell bluntly.

"They'd still have talked to you though." Luna found a pebble and skimmed it across the lake's surface.

Ysabell gazed up at the castle towering above them, windows glinting in the afternoon sun. "How do you do that?" she finally asked.

"Hmm?"

"How do you skim stones?"

"Oh! I'll show you."

Skimming stones, Ysabell discovered, was fairly easy, only you had to be careful you didn't hit any aquanides floating in the water. It was nice to see that Luna was back to her old self.

_Oh, I've missed these moments. You don't get time for them in school much, and especially not over the past few weeks. This is just one of those moments you could paste in a scrapbook with 'perfect memories' written on the front. _

Ysabell sighed and leaned back against the stone slab behind her and let the sun's golden warmth roll over her.

"You're leaning on Dumbledore." said Luna suddenly.

"What!?"

"I said 'you're leaning on Dumbledore.'"

Ysabell turned round. Sure enough, the slab she was leaning against was marble. "I've always meant to have a look at this" she said, running her fingers over it.

"You never met him, did you?" stated Luna.

"No. I wish I had though. He sounded really nice."

"He was quite mad, you know."

"Yeah, people say that too. Was he really the best head teacher Hogwarts ever had?"

"I don't know, I never had them all." Luna caught Ysabell's look. "Yes. He was the best one I ever had."

Ysabell ran her fingers over the inscription again. "I bet he wouldn't have judged me just on…" She sighed.

"People say he's still here, you know. That his spirit still inhabits the school and that he's still looking after all of the students."

"Well," said Ysabell, "that's just the sort of thing people want to believe, isn't it? I think that when people die, they stay dead." Thinking for a moment, she added "Unless they become ghosts, of course."

"I don't think I'll become a ghost." said Luna carelessly, as they wandered away from the tomb. "I think I'd rather go and find my mum again."

"Coming to think of it," said Ysabell, "maybe there are some advantages to wandering the world forever. Besides, I don't plan on dying just yet."

"Me neither." said Luna, as she stretched out in the warm sunlit grass. "Me neither."

* I have never been one to subscribe to the popular theory that Luna merely spent three months in the Malfoys' cellar talking to Mr Ollivander and escaped without a scratch. I don't know if this shows that I'm a pessimist or a realist – take your pick.


	20. Trouble

20. Trouble

**Ooh, this is quite a fun chapter, if I remember rightly. And I'm on study leave now, so you may get more updates or you may get less. It sort of depends where I am in exam terms and how much revison I've done. So you all have to send me lots of reviews to cheer me up! **

Normally, Charms was one of Ysabell's favourite subjects, but the mayhem of today's class was starting to test her nerves. They were supposed to be practising banishing charms by propelling pillows into boxes, but the number of students with faulty aim defied belief. Interestingly most of these off-course pillows seemed to be heading in Ysabell's general direction, along with several other miscellaneous objects (which included, for example; quills, books, empty inkbottles, full inkbottles and, once, a whole chair) which had been charmed by mistake by some poor short-sighted individuals. Professor Flitwick was too busy avoiding low-flying pillows to regain control of the class, and, like most of the teachers, he had an apparent blind spot for Ysabell's problems.

Ysabell winced as an inkbottle came hurtling past her shoulder and smashed on her desk, splattering her books, work and the front of her robes with red ink and sending out a flying shard of glass which narrowly missed Ysabell's hand. The calm controlled thread of Ysabell's mind which had been restraining her from falling into a pit of boiling fury finally snapped. Wheeling round, she fixed her eyes on the most likely culprit - Aaron Knox - and was further incensed by his crow of laughter as he spotted her ink-stained robes. She used the first spell that came to mind.

"Repulso!"

In a manner similar to their first confrontation Aaron's body flew across the room in a spectacular arc. He hit the wall with an audible crack, and slid down it. Ysabell was amused to see that he landed on one of the boxes, half-flattening it.

On cue, the bell rang.

Ysabell grabbed her bag and hurried out of the room, trying to get outside before she burst into triumphant laughter. As she was leaving Aaron sat up, clutching his arm and shouting; "You evil maniac! You meant to do that! Didn't you all see her? Look what you've done to me! Psycho!"

Ysabell paused in the doorway to flash an evil grin back at him then strode out, tossing her hair at him as she went.

_Did you see his face! Oh, I've wanted to do that for so, so long! And he deserved it all right! Merlin's beard, that felt good. _

She stopped off at the still-empty girl's toilets on her way upstairs in order to wash the ink off. It clung to her hands far more stubbornly than she expected it to and as the water in the wash-basin slowly turned red she murmured to herself the half-forgotten words she had been forced to study so long ago.

"Oh will these hands ne'er be clean! Out, out damn spot!" She started laughing again.

But when she glanced up at the mirror she froze.

She caught sight of herself; her dripping, crimson-stained hands, her dark hair tumbling unrestricted down the sides of her pale face and her two dark eyes, gleaming malevolently and full of some evil joy.

_I look like… I look like… a murderer. _

_What did he call me? An 'evil maniac'. I look like that. But I'm not! They're people who _enjoy_ causing pain, people like… people like…_

_Me_

_But it was just self defence! He deserved it! I'm not like that!_

But even as one part of her protested, another part of her knew that the crack she had heard had been Aaron's arm breaking. And she knew how much it hurt, to be thrown bodily against a wall. And she knew what she would become, if she carried on; that she was stood at the top of a slippery slope, one which she could never climb back up. How many steps from hot-blooded to cold-blooded? Professor McGonagall's ill-fated words echoed in her head; _'the way she acts it's only so long before she seriously injures someone.... sooner or later it's bound to come out, and I don't want to be near her when it does!'_

But that part of her was drowned under a tide of protestations. That would never happen! He deserved it! He had it coming to him.

*****

Ysabell sat in front of Professor McGonagall's desk, surrounded by portraits of interested former headmasters.

"So you attacked him?"

"Yes. He deserved it."

The Headmistress sighed. "Are you aware of the fact that Mr Knox is now in the Hospital Wing with a broken arm?"

"Yes." Ysabell replied steadily.

"You could have broken his neck!"

Ysabell decided that saying 'yes' would probably be a bad idea, and instead smiled sweetly at the professor.

Mutterings came from around the walls of the room. Ysabell distinctly caught the words "worse than her mother", and a chill crept up her spine again.

_He provoked me! He deserved it! _

"Miss Hope" Professor McGonagall pronounced coldly. "You should be well aware that your admission to this school was highly contested. Do not think that I would show any hesitation in expelling you. I will not tolerate behaviour like this in this school. If there is one more incident you are leaving. You have been warned."

Ysabell chose to take this as a dismissal. Professor McGonagall watched as she strode rebelliously out of the room. _Why did I even bother to give her a chance? _She thought. _I knew this was going to go wrong from the very start. _

_***_

_Old hag. Rest assured that if I threw _her _against the wall she'd come out with far more than a broken arm. _

She made it to her dormitory before she broke down.

**Ok, so maybe all the philosophical questions last week did have a point. Come on! Tell me your views! **


	21. Steps

21. Steps

A week later and Ysabell was still refusing to think about what had happened. It seemed like something out of a nightmare now; now that she had 'come to her senses' and thought about what she had done. Even worse, she had broken her promise never to hurt anyone with magic for a second time. And Ysabell knew what it felt like to be thrown against the wall.

Most of the other students in the school had stopped talking to her, and many of them were avoiding her completely. Luna, of course, disobeyed these new unwritten laws, and continued to treat Ysabell as normal; something Ysabell was extremely grateful for.

The teachers too were treating her with even greater suspicion, with even the more open-minded ones now turning completely against her, so Ysabell was in a depressed state of mind when she left her last lesson on Friday evening and headed upstairs towards her common room.

_Everything would have been so much easier if they'd just given me a decent chance in the first place. Maybe then this would never have happened. But no; they're too quick to judge by someone's past and by their parentage. And how can I change that? They were prejudiced against me from the start; they never even gave me a chance. _

_It's alright when you're someone like Harry Potter - it's fine to have your father's bravery or your mother's love. But when you're someone like me? Your parents' ability to kill and maim; their smouldering hatred? They hate you for it, hate you for something you had no part in. All the blame for what they did is passed down onto you, even if you weren't even born then._ _People-_

Ysabell's line of thought was cut short halfway up the staircase as her leg sank into the trick step she had just forgotten to jump.

"Damn!"

She tried in vain to pull it out, but she had nothing to hold onto and only succeeded in sinking her leg deeper into the step. Remembering her wand she found it one-handed in her pocket before fumbling as she picked it up. She watched dejectedly as it bounced down two steps. Her school bag started to inch its way down her arm as well, but she pushed it back, looking up and down the staircase desperately, hoping someone would come to her aid.

The first group of people to mount the stairs were the ones Ysabell had been hoping for the least.

"It's insane Izzy! Are you stuck? What a pity."

Aaron and his cronies crowed over her for a while, until one of them came too close and she swung at him. She missed, and, off-balance, her leg sunk a few more inches.

"Naughty, naughty! Pity I'm not a prefect…Still, got to go."

The group of students pushed passed her, one of them pausing to kick her wand down a few more steps.

Ysabell shouted curses after them for quite a length of time, covering the subjects of their looks, intelligence, parentage and their resemblance to various creatures ranging from Flobberworms to Blast-ended Skrewts. A first year girl hurried past, not stopping to glance back at the trapped girl.

Several students later, and Ysabell's leg was really beginning to hurt.

_I'm going to be here all night at this rate! Maybe I'll eventually sink right through this step and out of this miserable existence… And if I _do _get out of this step the first thing I'd like to do is to go and find everyone who's just walked past me and wring their necks. And kick them. And chop them into little bits and jump on them. Oh come on! _Someone _has to help me out! _

An hour later and Ysabell had almost given up.

_I used to think it was brilliant that they were all so scared of me. Now it's proving to be a bit of a nuisance. Well, when I say a bit… Do you think it's possible to fall asleep with half of your leg encased in a stair? Why don't teachers ever come up here? Why does everyone hate me so much? I swear my leg's going to break after just a few more minutes… _

_Cheer up! We shall not be conquered! Always look on the bright side, that's what they say, isn't it? Someone's bound to let me out soon. And think of all the things I have to be happy about! Err… I'm at Hogwarts! I've got a friend, although admittedly it would be helpful if she came up this stairway slightly more often... like now, for instance. I'm good at being positive, aren't I? Errm…Things could be worse! I'm not locked up in a dungeon, I'm not stuck in some stupid orphanage, I'm not being tortured, I'm not dead, my parents _are_ dead, someone else is coming up the stairs… _

The person coming up the stairs was Neville, who Ysabell had never been more pleased to see.

"Are you ok? Your leg's trapped."

Ysabell bit back the obvious tart reply and merely asked. "Could you help me out? Please?"

Neville had had encounters with this particular step before, and was not as against Ysabell as most of the rest of the school was. He saw no reason not to help.

"Thanks" said Ysabell gratefully, sinking onto the step above, her numb muscles screaming in protestation.

"Is it bad?" asked Neville, noticing her wince and sounding concerned.

"I've had worse." _A lot worse. And I know I haven't broken it, no matter how much it might feel like I have. _

"How long have you been there for?"

"Oh, not long." She replied offhandedly. Neville frowned, sensing she was lying. Inside, Ysabell grinned.

_Lie badly about the little things, so they think you're a useless liar. Then when you lie well about the big things they believe you. _

"Look, I've got to go." She spoke up before he could start asking any more annoying questions. "I've got work to do, and I need to sleep and all that."

Neville nodded, then continued on his way, as Ysabell resumed her long-delayed journey up to the common room, plotting revenge all the way.


	22. Blood Feud

22. Blood Feud 

**I'm guessing it's a while since I last updated. I have an excuse; I had a psychology exam. Which, fingers crossed, went quite well. I've got an excuse for any spelling and grammar mistakes too. It's freezing up here at the moment so my hands are shaking as I type. It may be May but it seems that up in Yorkshire's summer has been and gone already… **

Ysabell's revenge didn't end up as well-planned as she had hoped, but still managed to spectacularly break the much-abused 'no magic in corridors' rule. She managed to hex two of Aaron's gang and his current girl friend (Deirdre Waters, a Ravenclaw in Ysabell's year) though she unfortunately escaped hitting Aaron himself. She managed to escape from the encounter unhurt and unwitnessed by her victims and as the two second-years who had seen her were much too scared to inform a teacher she remained unpunished.

Revenge in turn came a few days later, when someone bewitched all of Ysabell's quills to splatter her writing with liberal dollops of swearing. She handed in threee essays before she noticed.

Ysabell, by now enjoying herself immensely, retorted by placing a choice selection of all her most slimy potion ingredients in Deirdre's bed, suspecting she was culprit.

Two days later, one of Ysabell's most prized possessions, her dream-catcher, vanished.

Although the dream-catcher had not noticeably reduced the number or intensity of Ysabell's nightmares it was the first present she had ever received from a friend and was therefore much treasured. To her it _did_ represent security – in the form of friendship.

There followed one of the longest internal arguments in Ysabell's life. She knew that she _had_ to get the dream-catcher back, but with a whole school to search, searching by any normal method would be hopeless. She tried _accio_, to no avail (she had never been particularly good at it anyway), and finally settled for the only other sensible option.

_I know I'm breaking another of my rules, but_ _it's only once and it's for a good reason. Nobody is going to get hurt, nobody is going to get killed. I will look for it and only it. Nobody's going to get hurt…The only other option is torturing a dorm-mate, and tempting though that is …No! This way is better. And it's only once. _

For safety's sake she used a bowl of water. The image wasn't as clear, but it meant things were more likely to stay simple… and she never, ever wanted to use the other method again.

_It's explanation time again, isn't it? I think I've mentioned some of it before… _

_I'm a seer. I'm not lying and I'm not joking, I mean it. If I look hard into a still pool of water and concentrate I can see things. I don't know why. I've looked through half the books in the library to see if there are others like me but I haven't found much. I can see the present, and occasionally the future too, or the past, if I concentrate hard enough. It's hard to tell when exactly something's happening though. It's easier and clearer with a crystal ball, especially seeing into the past and future, but I don't always like knowing about that, and anyway, I've had bad experiences with crystal balls. I don't like seeing. As far as I'm concerned it's a curse not a gift. _

This all came together to mean that Ysabell was now sat in an empty classroom with a bowl of water on the table in front of her, patiently waiting for the surface to stop rippling.

_I'm not sure if I can still do this; I haven't tried for a while… hang on… just concentrate on the dream-catcher… oh that was easy! It's in an old classroom somewhere, yeah, it's in that classroom on the fifth floor, and it's behind the portrait of the fat old wizard in black…_

_***_

Thirty minutes later, and the dream-catcher was successfully reinstalled in its rightful position. And no harm done. Presumably. For once a temptation has been given into it is far easier to fall into again and a promise once broken is far easier to break a second time. One lick of the chocolate bar is never enough. * Ysabell began using her sight far more frequently: first just occasionally for trivial things – who stole my textbook? Where's Luna right now? – but then gradually more often and for more important things – what did Emma write as the answer to this question? What's Valerie's secret? What's being examined in the end-of-year charms paper?

She used it for other, better reasons too. What does Luna want for her birthday? What food do the thestrals like most? Does the Crumple -Horned Snorkack really exist? (It was just as well she had vowed not to tell Luna about what she was doing). The one that of course had to come was 'who knows my secret?' The teachers came up of course, but thankfully no one else. Then her mind turned to even better questions.

'_What does Aaron fear the most, what does Aaron fear the most...?'_

She would have had trouble if it had been something like heights or giant spiders, but Aaron's greatest fear was rats. This was an even more excellent opportunity because Deirdre's best friend Helena (the cause of all the 'text-book borrowing') was the fond owner of one large black rat.

The placement of said rat in Aaron's bag caused Ysabell's tie and top button to be jinxed (something she received a lot of detentions for, as the button remained stubbornly undone until Luna removed the jinx), which in turn caused Tobias Grayling's hair to turn bright pink. She had meant to hit Aaron himself, but one of his friends was almost as good.

It took her a while to realise that the hiccups were a result of a curse, and she almost laughed when she thought how pathetic it was. She changed her mind, however, when she realised that everything in her corner of the dormitory had been deliberately wrecked. It was easy enough to tidy everything up again, but it still warranted a personal curse for each of the girls in her dormitory. She tried to be more subtle this time – all their clothes mysteriously shrank a few sizes, footwear included, and Deirdre's hand cream had bubotuber pus added to it.

At that point they cheated majorly, in Ysabell's eyes at least, and called in outside help. Peeves was only too happy to give Ysabell his personal attention, and caused Ysabell far more trouble than all the others put together. Things were definitely not going well, until Luna somehow managed to get contact with the Bloody Baron through the school's ghosts.

_***_

"I don't think this is a very good idea, you know." Luna told her frankly as she helped Ysabell remove ink-pellet stains from her bag. "Your vendetta, I mean."

Ysabell hadn't been aware that Luna had known what she was up to. "It's fun" she protested mildly.

Luna looked at her seriously, grey eyes wide. "I don't think you should carry on. People don't like you for it."

"People don't like me anyway" Ysabell pointed out, flicking the remains of a water bomb into the fire. "A few curses won't make it any different."

"People will like you better if you try."

Ysabell looked down. "I just can't be bothered any more" she muttered eventually. "It's never going to happen, so what's the point? They may as well just hate me for a decent reason. All right!" she snapped, hearing Luna's quiet sigh. "I'll stop doing things to them, but do you think that'll stop them doing stuff to me? I'm going to bed!"

Luna silently watched her walk off. _I still haven't got the hang of this friends thing_ she thought. _Sometimes I think I'd be better off without. Why can't she just _try_? _

***As proved by the amount of Easter egg I managed to eat today. **

**Ok, I understand that I've sort of suddenly introduced something pretty major… It is actually part of the plot by the way. Or at least I think it is. I'm a little hazy about the plot at the moment – in fact I'm a little bit hazy about anything that isn't to do with geography. I'm **_**very **_**hazy about that. **

**So yeah, feel free to stamp, shout, curse and moan at the awkwardness and sheer stupidity of my plot… **


	23. Mice, Men and Other Creatures

23. Mice, men and other creatures

**Oh, I'm not happy about my geography exam. I'm not sure it went well at all. But I've sort of got my fingers crossed because I thought that last time and I ended up getting full marks. So anyway, that's why this is being posted a little later than was originally intended. **

**Thank you to all my reviewers! You really cheered me up after that exam!**

_You know those days where the whole world seems to be against you? Every day feels like one of those now, no matter what I try to do. Ok, it's true I'm not fighting people any more, but what do you expect me to do, instantly become friends with them? Nothing's changed; people still ignore me, my stuff still gets damaged and goes missing and the snide comments are getting louder. The only person who likes me is Luna. Luna and the thestrals._

_Sometimes I don't think my life's ever going to get better. Ok, it's better than it was, definitely better, but I've stopped dreaming about living a normal life. That's never going to happen. Not to me. _

Ysabell's bad mood continued into the next morning, though this didn't necessarily mean anything. Ysabell was always in a bad mood, unless she was with Luna. Her mood was slightly worse than normal at the moment, as she had just been shouted at by Professor McGonagall because she hadn't done her homework again.

_Transfiguration is a boring subject, and the homework is even more boring yet. I don't see why I should have to do it. It's a waste of my life. I don't care if I fail the exam – it's not as if I'm ever going to need it anyway. _

Ysabell had made it perfectly clear that this was her point of view on the matter, and Professor McGonagall hated her for it.

"Today," Professor McGonagall announced to the class "we will be turning mice into teacups" she continued to give the instructions of how to do so, whilst Ysabell tried to stifle her giggles. McGonagall's accent always made her laugh.

"Miss Hope!"

"Yes, Professor." Ysabell said, with slightly more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"I presume you know what we're doing?" McGonagall asked, pausing in front of Ysabell's desk.

"Of course, Professor."

"Wonderful." They could have been holding a sarcasm contest. Ysabell caught the mouse the Professor dropped on her desk, and started trying to remember the incantation.

_Um … proculus. Or poculus. Poculum? __That sounds about right._

Ysabell raised her wand. "Poculum!" She grabbed quickly at the mouse which was escaping over the edge of the table. "_locomoter mortis_!_"_ The mouse froze.

_I swear that was the incantation. Maybe there was another part of it. _

Ysabell poked the mouse with her wand. "Turn. Into. A. Teacup." she said, punctuating each word with a poke from her wand, and was unsurprised when nothing happened. "Er… _Poculum est!... Poculum esse!..._"Professor McGonagall passed in front of her desk again, looking smug.

"Remember! Transformations like this will almost certainly be on you exam! Well done Rosie!"

Ysabell looked round the room. Several others had already completed the task. She glowered, and poked the mouse again. She achieved some satisfaction from watching it writhe, pretending that it was Professor McGonagall.

"Miss Hope! What are you doing with that mouse?"

"Umm…" said Ysabell. The rest of the class turned to watch.

"You're supposed to be transfiguring it, not torturing it!" McGonagall screeched.

"Well, turning it into a teacup isn't very nice either." Ysabell pointed out. "Even one patterned with roses."

"Detention! Saturday evening, 6 o clock!"

"I've already got one then."

"Sunday then! Now get out!"

Ysabell scooped the mouse into her pocket and left the room. She didn't mention that she already had a detention on Sunday too.

_Yes! That's another lesson successfully escaped! I can pass my exams without these idiots teaching me – I can see into the future can't I, for heavens sake! And it's not as if I can't do the spell, it's just that I can't remember the words. _

She returned to the common room and found her transfiguration textbook (what was the point in bringing it to the lesson if she was going to be thrown out before they got halfway through?) and began to look for the spell, determined to prove she could do it.

An hour later, when Luna came in, Ysabell was back to poking her now rather limp mouse. "Have you got a dictionary of spells anywhere?" Ysabell asked her friend.

Luna pulled a heavy and ancient looking book out of her bag and passed it to Ysabell. "It'll be in there somewhere." She caught sight of what Ysabell was doing. "What have you been doing to that mouse?" she asked, scooping it up and cradling it.

"Trying to turn it into a teacup" replied Ysabell tersely, flicking through the ancient pages and scrutinising spells written in what appeared to be old English. "Look, this is useless; it doesn't tell you what half of the spells actually do! What use is that?"

"You're supposed to know what most of them mean by now" said Luna, lifting the body bind curse from the mouse. It lay shaking in her hands.

"Well I don't. But that doesn't mean I can't do them. Look-" she said, leafing through the book looking for an impressive sounding spell, "I've never learnt this one, and I bet I can still use it. _Ferpenfortia_!" she cried, flicking her wand at the mouse.

Luna laughed and leaned over the table they were sharing in the corner of the crowded common room. "It's old English, remember? I got it out of the library - you know how bad they are with buying new copies. You say it _serpensortia._" She waved her wand.

Screams of shock filled the common room as a jet black snake exploded out of the end of Luna's wand. The mouse gave a frightened squeak and recovered enough to dash into Luna's pocket.

Ysabell backed her chair fearfully away from the snake that lay angrily hissing on the floor, eyes round with shock and fear. Luna regarded the snake calmly. She made a quick, complicated motion with her wand and muttered something under her breath, and the snake turned into a pink fluffy scarf.

"There! Now I've got one too! Are you ok?"

Ysabell shook her head mutely. "I don't like snakes" she said hoarsely.

Several pairs of angry and frightened eyes regarded them from around the room. "What in Merlin's name did you do that for?!" one of the older boys half-screamed at Ysabell. "Are you trying to kill us all?!"

"It wasn't me that did it!" Ysabell screamed back at him, but was interrupted by Luna's quiet voice.

"It's not as if it hurt anybody." she said calmly, bending down to collect the scarf from the floor. "And yes, it was me that did it." She regarded him serenely.

The boy looked between the two of them, apparently unsure as to whether he was being told the truth, his gaze finally fixing on the scarf.

"Do you want one?" Luna asked him politely. "I can do other colours if you like."

He swallowed and shook his head. As she left the room with Luna, Ysabell heard someone mutter "It _was _her, didn't you hear her?" and another low voice saying "Do you think she's a death eater?"

_But it wasn't me! Just for once it wasn't me, and they're still blaming me for it! I _hate _them! _

"Come on" said Luna, pulling at her arm. "I need something to eat, don't you?"

They walked in silence for a while, before Ysabell spoke up. "Everything's going wrong."

Luna didn't say anything.

"Every time I try something, no matter what I mean to happen, it always goes wrong! What's wrong with me Luna? Why can't I live a normal life? Every time I start life again I think it's going to be new and wonderful and perfect, but everything always goes wrong!"

Luna waited a while, and then said "Nothing's ever perfect."

"It's alright for you! You're so much better than me! You don't deserve a friend like me!"

"But I think you deserve a friend."

"Why, Luna, why? I don't deserve anything! No one understands!"

"Then maybe you deserve understanding. As well as a friend."

Ysabell seemed to have calmed down a bit. "You're mad, Luna."

"I'm as sane as you are." protested Luna mildly.

And that just about summed it up.

**Of course the joy of this chapter was that I can't for the life of me remember what the imperative form of esse actually is… I think some more revision is in order. And poculus isn't even on the vocab list.**


	24. The Other Side

25. The other side

**This is a revision break. Yes, a revision break. I'm not skiving or anything. I'm just having a quick break. It may last for several hours. **

Sometime, somewhere, Ysabell had read something about timeturners. She thought they sounded like the best wizarding invention since the wand, and had asked Luna where you could buy one. Luna had unhelpfully informed her that she had smashed the Ministry's entire collection of timeturners only a few years back. But Ysabell still wished she owned one.

Now was one of those times when she was wishing harder that ever, what with a mountain of homework and a whole pile of detention slips.

_I really don't know how the seventh years cope. Luna gets far more work than me! I mean, how do they find time to eat and sleep? Maybe they're like me, and they just don't. _

Ysabell was currently skipping lunch in order to finish an assignment, and she was not happy about it. But she just couldn't risk getting another detention. She was just rounding the corner with an armload of relevant textbooks when a small, mousy haired Ravenclaw boy came pelting round from the other direction. Books flew, and both of them found themselves on the floor.

Ysabell swore loudly and fluently. The petrified first year scrambled up and was just about to leave when Ysabell screamed at him. "No you idiot! Pick them up! Pick them up! Have you any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?" She glared at the boy as he grovelled on the floor collecting textbooks. "That's better" she announced haughtily, as he hurriedly piled them into her arms. He took this as permission to leave, but as he scarpered, Ysabell yelled after him again "Hey!" His scared face turned. "Can you bring a sandwich up to the common room for me? Chicken salad please!"

_***_

Later, she was congratulating herself on her quick thinking, whilst eagerly awaiting her sandwich and doing charms work, when Luna came in.

"Here," said Luna, dropping a plate bearing one chicken salad sandwich on the table next to Ysabell.

"Thank you!" She laughed. "That's two the same I'll be having now!"

Luna sat down in the seat opposite and began playing with her adopted mouse, stroking it and feeding it breadcrumbs. "Yes." she said. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Sorry?"

"I met Jacob in the Great Hall, and he said he'd been told to bring you this," She indicated the plate, "So I said I'd take it up for you, since I was going up anyway." She spoke matter-of-factly and looked directly into Ysabell's eyes.

Ysabell avoided her gaze. "He tripped me up…"

"That's no reason to terrorise him."

"I didn't!" Ysabell protested, knowing full well that she had. Luna continued to look at her.

Ysabell lowered her head, and gazed at the mouse running round on the table. Tentatively, she asked "Are you still friends with me."

"Of course." said Luna, sounding bemused. Ysabell breathed a quiet sigh of relief. She had been worried for a moment.

_***_

It didn't stop her from doing it again though. She just warned them what would happen to them if they told someone. She made Jacob run errands for her time and time again, as well as another Gryffindor boy. And then there were two Hufflepuff girls who had been unfortunate enough to knock over her ink bottle – she found they were very good at doing the more mundane homework tasks. She had to change the handwriting of course, but she still occasionally managed to get better marks that she would have done if she had done the work herself.

_It's their fault really. Their fault for being so small and vulnerable. If they tried to stand up for themselves for once then I'd probably stop. In the meantime, however, they are very, very useful. In fact, I actually have some free time now! And it's nice to actually be able to take out my anger on someone smaller._

_***_

Isn't it strange how the people who have been abused themselves are so often bullies? And then their bullying leads to more bullies, as soon as the bullied have grown older. It's an even stranger paradox when you consider that those who are abused must know most well what it feels like. But that's why they do it. They like to feel that they're the other person; the one in control.

Maybe you think that's ok or maybe you don't. Maybe you're happy that someone caught her doing it. Someone did.

_***_

The Grey Lady floated out from behind the tapestry just after the girl Ysabell had just finished berating for the lack of care she had taken over her piece of homework had left.

"There was a girl like you here once." she said. "She tormented weaker students and used them just like you do. Then she grew up and did it to more and more people. She ended up in Azkaban in the end. Eventually they killed her. I warned her too, but she just laughed at me. So many people have done it too over the years, and most of them came to a bad end. Don't make the same mistake as them."

Ysabell glared at her furiously. "I'm not like them. And even if I was," she said angrily, "At least _they're_ in control of their lives; at least nobody's hurting _them_!"

The ghost sighed resignedly as Ysabell stormed away, her long black hair streaming defiantly behind her. She had a good idea of what would happen. She had seen it so many times before.

Ysabell didn't cry this time. Strong people didn't.

**Of course, I, being a responsible 6****th**** former (or sixth year, if you like) would never dream of using ickle yr 7s in such a way. Ever. No matter how hungry I was and how much they annoyed me. Occasionally I do make my brother cook dinner, but that's ok because he's in yr 8. **


	25. It All Begins

26. It all begins

**I can't remember when I last updated so I guess it must be time to post another chapter. You'll notice from the title that this is the point where things actually start to happen. Please don't whoop too loudly. **

Ysabell stood slightly apart from the knots of chattering students clustered under Trelawney's trapdoor, thinking her own thoughts. Currently she was wondering why she still bothered to take such a stupid subject as Divination.

A few months ago she had petitioned to Professor McGonagall, hoping that she would be allowed to drop the subject. Her request had been denied, but Ysabell still felt as though she should have walked out of the lessons months ago. Her throat tightened as she saw the silvery ladder descend out of the corner of her eye.

_I'm sick of this lesson and I'm sick of stupid, stupid Trelawney and her class of gullible idiots. One day I'm going to snap when she makes one last stupid prediction about me, and then she'll regret that she ever took up 'divination'. _

Even worse than Ysabell's detest of Trelawney was the ever- present fear that they would one day arrive at the topic she was dreading.

_That's not going to be today though. She said we were continuing with fire omens today. Stupid, stinking fire omens. Ah well. At least we'll be warm. _

But as Ysabell climbed up the ladder she could see quite clearly the velvet-draped mounds perched on top of each spindly table. Dazedly she sat down at a table, ears ringing almost too loudly to hear Trelawney's words: "Good day, good day my dears! Or at least, I should say, a good day for some." Her eyes roamed around the class, before she continued in her normal, mysterious voice. "As I gazed into my crystal ball the other evening I saw that we were ill-advised to continue with the noble art of fire omens. Indeed," her eyes roved around wide-eyed faces again, "it was revealed that one of you would turn out to have an _extraordinary _talent at crystal gazing."

Excited whispers filled the class. Sick with apprehension as she was, Ysabell felt like laughing.

_Oh you old fraud! You've finally got something right! But I'm not, not, not going to let you know! You can't _make_ me look into it! _

As the rest of the class started to excitedly examine their crystal balls Ysabell gazed at the window instead. Through a crack in the heavy curtains she could just catch a glimpse of the far-away hills and the edge of the forest.

"Crystal-gazing, not window-gazing, Miss Hope!" Professor Trelawney peered down at Ysabell with magnified eyes. "Look into the orb and tell me what awaits us in the future."

Ysabell's stomach gave a lurch.

_It's alright. I can resist it, I'm fairly certain I can. And then I'll just make something up. It'll be alright. _

With shaking fingers she lifted the black velvet covering-cloth off the crystal. The orb sparkled slightly in the firelight and its surface reflected a ring of flames. Ysabell stared at the surface, resting the temptation to look at the ball.

"I can see flames…" she began hesitantly, and glanced up.

_My mother's face ringed by flames, her arms reaching out to me. I can't hear her, but I can tell she's laughing. There are shadows rising up around her_ _and her face is changing. Now it's younger, but still with the same pale skin, the same raven-dark hair the same dark eyes_ _burning with hatred and desire._

"… and another shall rise from the shadows to follow in the footsteps of the ones gone before. Fear and hatred will light the fire and fear and hatred will spread in its wake…" Ysabell's voice continued hesitantly. She had no control over the words. They just poured out, endless and unstoppable. The whole class was listening now.

Professor Trelawney stepped forward and drew the cloth back over the crystal ball. Ysabell looked up, confused. "I'm sorry," she stuttered, eyes round with fear. "I didn't, I couldn't…"

Professor Trelawney took hold of her by the arm and pulled her upright. "We're going to see the headmistress," she whispered hoarsely, in a voice quite unlike her normal mysterious tones. And she led the stumbling Ysabell towards the head's office.

_***_

"So," began Professor McGonagall painfully, having heard the story, "You can see… visions… in crystal balls?"

"Yes," Ysabell whispered. "And in water." They were alone on the Head's office, with only the portraits to hear them.

"And what are these visions of?"

"The past or the present, normally. Sometimes the future. It depends what I'm looking for."

"So you can look for specific things?"

"Yes" Ysabell breathed. The portraits in the room were all completely silent, listening hard to every word.

"Are you ever wrong?"

"Sometimes. Quite often with the future, because it depends on what people do. And sometimes I only see a bit of something and make the wrong assumptions. And sometimes I can't see something at all."

"And why," McGonagall began in a bewildered voice, "Didn't you tell anyone this earlier?"

Ysabell muttered something under her breath.

"Have you used this talent before?"

Ysabell's "yes" was barely audible.

"When?" asked McGonagall sharply.

"When I was younger, back at the children's home, and..."Ysabell lapsed into silence once more. She stared down at the table.

"When you were with you mother." Professor McGonagall supplied.

"Yes" breathed Ysabell, lips barely moving.

"A lot?"

"A lot." Ysabell agreed.

Professor McGonagall sighed and stood up. She strolled to the window then turned to face back at Ysabell. For the first time she felt sorry for the girl with her round frightened eyes, and felt sorry too for what she was about to do to her. "This is out of my hands, I'm afraid." she addressed the girl. "We're going to have to take you to the Ministry."

Ysabell nodded slightly, just once. She didn't even consider trying to run. She didn't think she'd be able to move her legs.

She was going to the Ministry.

**And I'm going to go and revise my Latin, which is slightly preferable. Have you ever tried to revise whilst someone's knocking down the ceiling in the room next door?**


	26. The Power of Words

The Power of Words

**Forgive me for my terrible newspaper writing in this chapter. There is a reason why I've never considered becoming a journalist and it mostly stems from English lessons. On the plus side the story is definitely moving now… **

Luna was sat in the common room when Ysabell finally arrived back late that evening. She waved at her friend, but Ysabell just continued walking blindly in the direction of her dormitory. Luna followed her.

Ysabell was lying on the bed when she entered the room, face turned towards the wall, her eyes staring through it.

_It's all gone wrong, it's all gone wrong, it's all gone wrong..._

"Ysabell?" asked Luna tentatively. Ysabell remained silent, rocking backwards and forwards slightly. Luna sat down n the bed beside her and put her arm round her shoulder.

Finally, Ysabell spoke. "I told them." she said in a hoarse whisper. There was no need to say any more.

Luna just hugged Ysabell tighter. She stayed hugging her until Ysabell had finally cried herself to sleep.

_***_

Ysabell was late for breakfast when she stumbled down the next morning. It was just as well.

Luna intercepted her just as she was about to set foot in the Great Hall and led her into a corner before handing her a rolled up newspaper. "Here" was all she said. Ysabell unrolled The Prophet with numb fingers. The headline blazed out at her.

_***********************************************_

**The Dark Lord's informer revealed! **

**Bellatrix's seer daughter! **

Ministry officials revealed this morning that they had recently questioned the girl who was at the heart of the Dark Lord's army; the betrayer of hundreds and the cause of countless deaths.

Ysabell Hope, as she is known to her school-mates at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has a long history of instability, as well as a reputation for aggressiveness, and she has been known to attack fellow pupils for little or no reason. However, very few were aware of just how deep this dark streak went. For Ysabell, who claims to be the daughter of Richard and Lisa Hope, is none other than the child of Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange, two of Voldemort's greatest supporters.

Only a few staff members and ministry officials were aware of Ysabell's parentage, and questions are now being asked as to why she was ever allowed to enter Hogwarts. A harassed-looking wizard in the department of education told us that "we were just trying to give her a fair chance, that's all. I mean it took this long for permission to be granted to let her enter, and there was no evidence at all to show that she was like her mother."

One wonders how the Ministry managed to hide such a controversial child. Research suggests that Ysabell was in fact born in Azkaban, and was later raised in a muggle orphanage, having been told nothing of her past. Here it seems that the Ministry wizard got his evidence wrong – reports tell us that Ysabell Lestrange was cruel and callous even as a child, and the way she disappeared shortly after the fire that burned her orphanage to the ground suggests something of her nature.

Nothing was known of what happened to Ysabell in those years between her disappearance after the fire and her reappearance at Hogwarts this September. Until now.

The truth began to come out when Ysabell collapsed in her divination lesson as the class was studying crystal balls. Whilst in a trance she produced a prophecy which her teacher verified as real. Within a few hours, Ysabell was at the Ministry, attempting to explain her 'gift'.

It turns out that Ysabell was reunited with her mother shortly after her departure from the children's home, and that it was not long before she joined the ranks of Voldemort's supporters. There she used her gift as he commanded; scrying out muggle-borns, blood traitors and those who did not support him. Though there is little evidence that Bellatrix's daughter actually carried out the mass executions these visions led to, there is no doubt that she caused them.

The cold-blooded girl happily named some of those whose deaths she had had a hand in; these included…. *

_***********************************************_

The paper dropped from Ysabell's fingers. She felt as though she had been stunned. Every part of her was numb.

_That's not what happened. That's not true. It wasn't like that. It's not true._

_This can't be happening to me. _

She looked up into Luna's worried eyes. Through the doorway behind her friend she could see the end of the Gryffindor table and the heads bent avidly over newspapers. She could almost feel the bitter hatred from where she stood. Some of those people had family on that list.

Ysabell's stunned brain vaguely registered the pointing fingers as people caught sight of her from within the Great Hall. And she suddenly realised exactly where she was stood. This was where her mother had stood in the last moments of her life.

Realisation hit her and reason with it. She looked sideways at her friend. She wasn't going to let Luna suffer with her.

"Luna, go." she commanded. Luna looked up at her.

"I'm staying with you." she said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

As the angry crowd approached Ysabell's hand found its way into Luna's and gripped it as though nothing in the world would make her let go.

*** Translate the … as 'here my imagination an out'.**

**Yeah, so that was my back-plot the whole time…. What do you think? (Please say something nice if you can – next time I'll be on will be after a load of exams so I'm likely to be very depressed already)**


	27. The Truth

28.The Truth

**I was going to talk about my exams and things like that. I've suddenly realised that those sort of things don't really matter that much. One of the people on my chat-site I'm on has just died and I've suddenly realised just how short life is.**

**Guys, I don't care if you review or not. But, please, please be careful and make the most of your lives. Don't take stupid risks. I might never have seen most of your faces but I still feel as if I know you. Please don't die on me. **

_You hate me now, don't you? I would hate me, after reading those lies. But that's what they were mostly; lies. Maybe it's about time you heard the truth about me. My whole life story, from beginning to end. Every word the truth. Don't worry. It won't take long. Just the time it takes to cross a room. _

_They say that just before you die your whole life flashes in front of your eyes. This is _my _life, before your eyes. Read it. Then maybe you will understand. _

_Okay, I admit that they got some of it right. I _was_ born in Azkaban, or so I've been told. And Bellatrix Lestrange is my mother. I don't know who my father is. I have always assumed that… well, that I'm not… What does it matter who my parents are? That's what everyone gets wrong around here. It shouldn't matter whether they were wizards or muggles or, or death-eaters. Yet still, everyone blames me for what she did, blame me for all those terrible things, even though I had no part in them. _

_They were right about the children's home too, even about how I left it. I hated it there. I had no friends, not in the home and not in the school. I was bullied and there was nothing at all I could do about it until I discovered that I was different. That I had magic. I think I've told you about how I discovered I had the sight. That's what told me that there were other people like me; that's what kept me sane. It was so hard though; trying not to use magic, especially when I was being bullied. I saw Hogwarts when I looked in the water and I saw people like me there. It hurt so so much when I started high school; why wasn't I at Hogwarts? I know now of course – the Ministry stopped me going. Maybe things would have turned out better if I had started when I was eleven. Maybe. _

_I saw my mother in my visions sometimes, and that hurt even more. I'd known she was alive – they told me she was in prison – but I didn't really know anything else about her. I didn't even know her real name. I was called Ysabell Thorn at the home, 'for my own protection'. The Ysabell is from my mother though. It's the only decent thing she's ever given me. _

_I was thirteen when I left the children's home. I left it burning. It had been building up to it for ages. I kept loosing little bits of magic and the other kids were calling me a witch and bullying me even more. One evening some of the boys cornered me down in the cellar, which was my private retreat. They started bullying me – hitting me and kicking me – and I… reacted. I was stood next to the boiler. I still don't know how I escaped the inferno. The others didn't, I know that. I read a newspaper a few days later and it was all in there. Four children killed. Twelve seriously injured. I was listed as one of the dead. _

_My mother found me not long after that. I still don't know how she tracked me down. I was wandering the streets at the time and the prospect of having a home and a family was too good to be true. Far too good to be true, and I was an idiot to believe that it was real. I followed her and told her everything, everything I had ever dreamed of having someone to tell about. I told her about my sight. Before she heard that I think she was just planning on turning me into a death-eater like her, because as soon as I told her that everything changed. _

_Can you imagine how scared I was when I first set eyes on You Know Who? He made me tell everything, all over again. You should have heard how he laughed when I told him about my gift. I was beginning to regret what I'd done even then, and when I realised what they wanted me to use my gift for I regretted it even more. They wanted to use the knowledge from my visions to hurt and kill innocent people - I realised that almost immediately. I learnt about Harry and Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix not long after, and in my heart I was on their side. _

_What would you have done? Can you blame me for what I did? I tried not to tell them anything, I really and honestly did. And as soon as they realised I what I was trying to do they turned completely and utterly against me. Before I had some kind of chance – I would have been so much better off if I hadn't tried to act the hero. None of what I did did any good. When you have a wand and no conscience it is not hard to get people to do what you want to do, even if they don't want to do it. _

_My mother took it too far of course. Far, far too far. and even when I had given in and stopped resisting they still found reasons to torture me. My visions aren't always perfect – sometimes I get things wrong. Sometimes I can't see things at all. And when something like that happened – and it happened all too often – I suffered for it. Thinking about it, them doing that was probably rather stupid. As far as my experience suggests the worse I'm hurt the worse my accuracy gets. Not that my mother cared about that. _

_You probably don't understand even now how I feel about my mother. It's the one thing you will never understand -, you with your loving families - and that is that whatever my mother did to you, however much you hate her _I hate her more_. Because I am her daughter. I was her daughter and she still did what she did to me. She did things worse than you can possibly imagine, things that would give you nightmares for the rest of your life, and they were made ten times worse by our blood-link. My only protection from her were You Know Who's restrictions; she wasn't allowed to kill me or make me lose my sanity, and those were feeble protections from the start. In the two years I spent locked in that dungeon I spent every waking moment longing to die. _

_The moment I saw my mother's death through my sight was the happiest moment of my life. I saw each and every one of them fall or be hunted down and I relished every moment of it. Then I realised my mistake. My jailers might be gone, but no one else knew where I was. No one else even knew that I existed. _

_The next thing I really remember is being in St Mungo's. Someone had found me by pure luck – a deathly ill, starving, bruised and bloody little waif, afraid to let anyone touch her. The Ministry were surprised when they realised who I was, but I think perhaps they understood something of what had happened to me. They forgave me for who I was, or at least enough to send me to Hogwarts. I think you know the story from there. I almost wish they hadn't decided to let me in. Then maybe none of this would have happened. I regret doing almost everything I've ever done; the only thing I don't regret is meeting Luna. But none of that really matters now. My last few seconds of peace have passed and the mob is at the door. _

_Wish me luck. _

**Lizzie, if you die I will kill you.**

**On the brighter side of things I think I have passed my Latin exam. **

**Carpe diem! **


	28. Confrontation

The crowd that surrounded Ysabell had eyes that spoke of hatred. Watching their faces Ysabell could tell that they were waiting for her to make the first move. Instead of giving in to them she just waited there passively. She wasn't stupid enough to give them an excuse to attack.

_I've still got a chance, I suppose. I could try and explain. Not that they'd understand. But I could try. Or I could run. Right now running seems like the best option. _

"You killed my parents." It was a small boy, a second year, and as Ysabell turned to look at him an older student hid him behind their back. She knew who he was though - and who his parents had been.

"Yes." she said. It was true. Although she had never actually killed anyone with her own hands she had caused the deaths of all the people on that list just the same. As she spoke she looked round at them all hesitantly, looking into their saw fear and hatred and disgust but worst of all was the sense of betrayal she saw behind the eyes of the people who had tried to help her; Ginny, Hermione, Harry, Neville… Whispers ran round the room.

A thought ran through Ysabell's head, and was quickly suppressed.

_Maybe I do deserve this…_

Another voice was speaking up, this time a girl's. "My sister… my sister died because of you." The girl stood beside her chimed in as well, in a voice ringing with hatred. "Don't forget Annaline Curtiss. She was my best friend."

Ysabell swallowed and looked sideways. Best friend at least had a meaning to her.

Now voices were ringing out from all sides, naming friends, family… People were fingering wands. Ysabell felt almost overwhelmed by the torrent of words.

"You don't understand! I had to do it!"

The hall fell silent. Eyes were staring at her, demanding an explanation.

"…the death-eaters… my mother…" Ysabell looked around hopelessly.

"Your mother turned my parents insane." It was Neville speaking.

Ysabell swallowed again. "At least your parents were sane to start with."

Hermione spoke up softly. "But thanks to your mother, some people never even had parents."

"And am I to blame for that? I wasn't even born then! And if they never had parents they were better off, weren't they? Do you think I love my mother?"

Another boy spoke up. "Well, she obviously loved you if she taught you to do all that stuff, didn't she?"

"She didn't teach me!" shouted Ysabell. "She did nothing for me, do you understand?"

"Oh, so you just copied her of your own free will did you?"

"I am not like my mother!" Ysabell roared.

"Oh yeah?" someone else retorted. "Let's see shall we? Liar, murderer, torturer, death-eater…"

"I was not a death-eater! Listen to me, and I'll explain-"

"Show us your arm then!"

Ysabell looked ready to attack him, but Luna laid her hand on her shoulder. "She's telling the truth." she said softly. "I've seen her arms and she hasn't got the mark."

Ysabell suddenly felt extraordinarily grateful to Luna for backing her up.

"Yeah, but Loony would only noticed if she had a slumple horned corknack on her arm." one of the seventh years muttered audibly to his friend. When he turned back round Ysabell's wand was pointing at him.

"Don't you dare talk about Luna like that! She's worth ten of you!"

"Ysabell" said Luna placatingly. "I don't mind, you know."

"Well I do." Ysabell snapped. She didn't put the wand down. People were beginning to look worried again. Some looked happier, as if they were waiting for a fight.

A new voice struck up. It was Ginny this time. "Are you actually sorry for what you've done?"

It was a question Ysabell hadn't been expecting, and she didn't know how to answer it.

"You don't, do you?" said someone, in a voice filled with disgust. "You don't care at all. Just like your mother."

"Shut up! Just shut up and try to listen to what I'm telling you!"

"Oh of course, she was a lovely mummy really. I was forgetting she was dead. You must miss her so much. I expect you had such great times together; torturing muggles, killing innocents. You must have really loved your mum."

"She was NOT my mum!" Ysabell screamed.

"She was a cowardly, murdering, stinking death-eater just like you!"

Ysabell screamed again, only this time she screamed something different. The boy who had been taunting her screamed too.

_Wow. I never realised it felt like this. One little word and so much power. I can feel it pulsing through my veins like fire. Adrenaline. Like a breath of sweet fresh air. Control! At last. Finally, finally, I have control over something in my life. I'm not the weakling, the powerless one, the slave. I'm the one in control._

_No wonder my mother liked this so much. _

The boy dropped to the floor, breathing hard. Ysabell was breathing hard too, and her eyes were wide and bright. Maybe it was fear, or maybe it was relief, but the laugh that boiled out of her throat sounded almost evil. Whilst she was laughing another student stepped over the younger boy's body – they looked so alike they could be brothers. The spell he sent shooting at Ysabell missed, but Ysabell's counter-curse didn't.

Two little words, a wand movement performed with as much emotion as swatting a fly. And yet they changed the lives of everyone present. Forever.

Another boy hit the floor. But this time he wasn't breathing.

Ysabell stared for a moment, her eyes round with horror. Then she ran, out through the great doors and down; down towards the forest.


	29. Partings

30. Partings

The cries of shock had barely started before Luna was sprinting out of the door after her friend. People called her back, Hermione's shriek rising above their frightened voices; "Don't be crazy Luna! She'll kill you!" But Luna took no notice. Turning back round to face them she blasted the great doors shut.

She didn't bother calling her friend as she ran over the wide expanse of lawn and away from the school. She already knew where she would be. Sure enough as she approached the forest she saw the flicker of black within the trees. "Ysabell!" she called, panting. As she started forwards again a jet of light shot past her head.

"Luna!" the shadowy figure exclaimed. "Luna, I'm so sorry!" There were tears glinting on her cheeks. "I didn't mean to – oh, I'm so sorry!"

Luna just nodded silently as she stood regarding her friend. "Where will you go?" she asked, at last.

"I don't know. I was just going to get on a thestral and ride wherever it takes me… if it'll let me ride it, that is." she added bitterly.

"You're going by thestral?" Luna queried. Mutely, Ysabell raised her arm up to show her, dripping blood down her robes from where she had slashed it with her wand.

Luna nodded equivocally, as though Ysabell had just shown her a rather uninteresting magazine article.

They stood in silence for a while, listening to the noises of the forest and alert to any movement in the trees. Ysabell's nerves were so on edge that she nearly cursed the first approaching thestral, but Luna grabbed her arm just in time.

The silence grew rather uncomfortable, as Ysabell stood with one arm over the thestral's back, looking at her friend with eyes filled with fear, despair and self-loathing.

"They'll be able to see you, you know." remarked Luna, referring to the fact that everyone who had been in the entrance hall would now be able to see thestrals. Ysabell just shrugged.

"I don't hate you." said Luna sincerely, answering her unspoken question. "I wouldn't have done what you did, but I think I understand."

"But you should hate me!" Ysabell's cry echoed round the woods.

"Shh," said Luna, hugging her. "Not now."

"Will you come with me?" Ysabell whispered into her shoulder.

Luna shook her head. "No." she said regretfully. "I don't think I should. I'll stay here and tell them."

"You will tell them for me, won't you?"

"I promise." said Luna gravely. "I'll write it down and publish it for the whole world to see."

"In the Quibbler." Ysabell finished, smiling just slightly. She climbed onto the thestral's back. "I'll see you again" she said fervently. "I promise I will!"

"Yes" said Luna, softly. She stood back as the thestral shook its wings, and watched as it rose steeply up into the sky, with the young girl clinging to its back.

She stayed there for quite a while, as the wind blew around her. She found herself thinking back to the summer, how she taught Ysabell elementary magic and all those long afternoons by the streams. She thought about Christmas, and all the evenings they had spent curled up by the fire in the Ravenclaw common room. Doing homework together in the library, buying sweets in Hogsmeade, snowball fights and walks in the forest, sunny evenings by the lake… the memories overwhelmed her and silent tears started to trickle softly down her face as she sank to the welcoming forest floor.

After an eternity of memories she stood up and tried to express the tumult of emotion inside her before she returned to the others. A clear, trembling voice rose to the sky, as she sang the song her mother had taught her before she died.

'_O poor bird, take thy flight_

_High above the sorrows of this dark night.'_

She gazed for one last time in the direction of the place she had last seen her friend and set off back towards the castle and the circle of faces that anxiously awaited her.


	30. Epilogue

31. Epilogue

Two weeks later, a battle took place on the Yorkshire Moors, in which two aurors were killed before the attacker - a dark-haired, wild-eyed girl of sixteen or so years - was taken into custody. She was tried before the Wizengamot a week later and found guilty of several murders. She was sentenced to a life-sentence in Azkaban. A year later she died there, in the same cell in which she was born.

It's high summer, and in the tower room of a dark castle a pale-haired girl is tossing and turning. In her dreams a door opens, and another girl walks in. Both rush towards each other and stand there, hugging and hugging each other, with tears running down their faces, together under the dark sky with the hanging half moon.

When she wakes up she turns instinctively towards the door, the dream still real in her mind. Then after a moment reality returns. She looks up through blurred eyes to the newly repainted ceiling, where golden chains of words circle six faces, binding them for all eternity.

_friendsfriendsfriendsfriends friendsfriendsfriendsfriends friendsfriendsfriendsfriends friendsfriendsfriendsfriends friendsfriendsfriendsfriends friendsfriendsfriendsfriends friendsfriendsfriendsfriends friends_


End file.
